Feeling kinda dumb
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| Fri, 03-05-2004 - 8:22am |
It's over. It's been over. Our friendship that we tried to salvage is now dead. I am sad, hurt, and angry. Very long story with tons of drama. About a year into a friendship (at work) we moved toward the "benefits". He was miserable and I was there for him. He married b/c she was pregnant. I attempted to be her friend, but she never let me in. She threatened him with divorce and suicide even after the baby was born and before we got "involved". We emailed a lot and feelings grew. I guess part of me felt bad for all he was going through. So all in all, I sold out. I allowed him to lean on me and use me as his "rock" in exchange for the heat and passion he brought to my life. Problem. I thought it could remain casual and not get out of hand. His W has many issues. Clinical depression, insecurity, low self-esteem, and paranoia to name a few. She is also mean, hurtful, manipulating, deceiving, and self-serving. I think he wanted to get caught. He wants out of his marriage, but he's too chicken. When we are in "just friends" mode she accuses us of things that never happened and she'd just go crazy. Lately, she's been fabricating stories about things that I'm doing, and it drives me batty b/c I'm not doing them!
Sorry, off track. So, over a year ago we wrote emails. Some of them very colorful in nature. Somehow she got a hold of them very recently and has once again gone off the deep end. I'm not denying her right to be pissed, but it's how she's handling herself that bothres me. He explained to her that it was in the past an nothing ever came of it. The plot thickens, as always... She's been visibly watching me at work. (Forgot to mention that she started working there within the past year.) And I really would prefer not to explain this to my friends/co-workers, and my family. My sister is who I fear the most. She's done so much for me and helped me get through so much, but she's a square, and I fear, a prude. This she couldn't handle. She'd be so terribly disappointed. It's in the past, but the discovery makes it new again. I'm not too worried about what people think of me. It'll be embarassing and I'll be the gossip flavor of the month, but I'm so afraid of it getting to my sister. That's the part that makes me feel most ashamed. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

A couple of weeks ago when things started to fall apart around me, she happened to call at a really bad moment (I was crying) and as hard as it was to tell her what happened between me and a MM, I did. Not only was she not surprised, she did not judge me at all. She didn't think it was the smartest thing I ever did, but she didn't think any less of me for doing it.
What I am telling you is that your sister loves you, and knows you. I bet if she found out she wouldn't be surprised. But I do think it would be better if it came from you than the rumor mill. She's your family, and really those are the people you can always depend on. And it sounds like this may get uglier, so you will need people, ie your sister, in your corner.
Good Luck and take care
No Strings
You mention that it bothers you how his wife is handling this. How she handles anything is her right and not for you to judge. She was the one kept in the dark about your relationship. Don't worry about her and what she is doing, that is for her husband to take care of.
You don't want anyone to find out? We all want that when we're in an A. There is alot of shame involved when friends and family find out, and unfortunately that doesn't hit us until our dirty business does become public knowledge. There is nothing that you can do at this point to prevent your sister from finding out other then not telling her.
Try and scrape together your dignity and walk away from this situation as soon as possible. Let the fallout fall where it may. Some things are beyond your control. Learn something from this. Just remember, that feeling dumb suck, but feeling betrayed hurts alot more.
Jazzdiva