Feeling the loss is relentless . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2004
Feeling the loss is relentless . . .
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 10:07am

So, this has been a rocky year for me. Ever since my MM left to go home (he lives 8000 miles away), I am up and I am down; it really depends on the day. For all practical purposes, I have ended it, but I am addicted to our communication though. I have a feeling our communication is what keeps me down half the time because I am always remember him, how far away he is, how he has another life . . .

I am addicted to our communication, the e-mails, and the text messages. It hurts me so much yet I have this desire to always do it, I am constantly writing, and deleting, and stopping myself and then going back and forth in indecision. He communicates with me as well; it is not one-sided.

I think I need this so much because about 1.5 year ago I moved to a new place for work. I am single, left all my friends and family behind, and I was really lonely when I came, lack of friends, lots of work acquaintances, but no one I could really feel close to since I moved. He was the first person who really turned to be someone I was not only close to but also intimate with, this was after about 5 months living in the new place. Now, since I have been here I am close with 2 or 3 people, but they are more like family (married couple with kids). Actually they have been friends with my MM and his family for years (that is actually how we met).

Now, it is like, anywhere I turn I cannot escape him. Today I have decided to try to end all forms of romantic communication. I can't end it all as we collaborate for work.
This all occurred because my job and I can’t walk away from this, but even my friends here are a constant reminder of him. They talk about him, talk about me to him. We are all very close knit in that aspect. He comes once a year are so so I will see him.

I can’t give up my friends here. I love them like family, and they treat me like family. I just am not sure how to get to a place where I am comfortable with myself and not endlessly missing him. Has anyone ever given up on a relationship with an MM, but still had him in their life in some way or another without constant pain?