Feeling Low

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Feeling Low
7
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 9:54am

I don't know what's wrong with me, I've been doing so well and yet now and for the last few days I've been really depressed. I dreamt of xap last night and it really threw me. In my 50+ days of NC I haven't dreamt of him once but now I seem to have hit this wall where all I think of is him.


I've done a lot of soul searching and contemplation

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
In reply to: missbennett
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 10:23am

MissB -

I'm sorry you're feeling down.

Don't call it a dream, call it a nightmare. Go back and read your posts from beginning to end, to remind yourself that what you are doing is the best thing for you. Then do something physical - get out and run, walk, exercise.

I believe you have genuine feelings for him, I know that I have genuine feelings for my XAP. But that doesn't mean that it's reciprocated. And true friends don't make you hide in the shadows of their real life.

I found a really great quote yesterday - "To get something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done."

Stay strong and don't contact him. Use Jane's 48 hour rule - don't do anything for 48 hours.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: missbennett
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 11:54am

(((MB)))


You are not only grieving the end of your A, but now the demise of a friendship as well. Try not to be so hard on yourself. We have all had dreams after the fact, some riviting and some romantic, but either way it's the subconscious purging before reconciliation takes place. Our brains are constanting reprogramming and sometimes can hit overload. We have to get rid of stuff that no longer serves

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
In reply to: missbennett
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 11:59am

Hi Miss Bennett-


I too am sorry you are feeling low. It comes with the territory. We've all had our fair share of ups and downs haven't we? 50 days is HUGE, but I want to caution you that you still have a long way to go to heal. This is just another one of those phases that we have to go through... we are out far enough that we think the fog has lifted, but at the same time, out far enough that the immediate and raw pain that led us to end the A has subsided... nice thoughts start to creep back in and we have to remind ourselves why we got out in the first place. Good for you for sticking to NC. It is hard... and some days are harder than others, but you ride them out, it will be worth it. Could you refresh my memory on your story? Are you M? If so, have you had a DDay or does your H know of your A?


I apologize that I don't have more time to write. I am at work on lunch break and have to get back.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
In reply to: missbennett
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 3:14pm

Hi Miss B,


I can't offer better advice than the wonderful ladies already have, but I just wanted to give you support.

Babysteps


...even if it is all I can do, I can take one babystep.


NC/LC since May 21, 2010

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
In reply to: missbennett
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 4:32pm

Oh- I just remembered. My xap was my good friend too- that's how most A's start I think. And I was really missing that friendship when i ended the A. it hurt so much not to be able to talk to him and have him there as a supportive friend. Then I read this: “No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.” – Alice Walker


During my affair, I thought that my husband was stifling my growth. I mistook his pleas for more quality time as harsh criticisms about my priorities and in turn, came to believe that he did not like me. My xap

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
In reply to: missbennett
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 9:55pm

Thank you all for your responses. I would have responded sooner but as school is now out I have to be extra careful of my time on the computer. How ironic that one of the "tools" I rely on for my recovery

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
In reply to: missbennett
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 12:25am
Hi Miss B. It's hard when we mess up a friendship by being intimate/ I think part of healing would be in looking to develop closer friendships that replace him. Think of a couple people that you know that you would like to invest more time in getting to know.