Feeling oh, so weak today....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Feeling oh, so weak today....
1
Sun, 03-07-2004 - 8:47am
So much going on in my life these days......pms'ing (gosh, it makes EVERYTHING worse), I'm about to file for separation/divorce (haven't concluded which one yet...), I still am unemployed and finishing up my graduate work, dealing with jerky boy h (see #2)....and I find myself so tempted to email exMM.

Before anything else, he was a good friend of mine...that supported me during very stressful times. Always had a comforting word or a funny joke to send my way. And I find when I'm at the peak of turmoil in my life....I'm obsessing about him, when I have soo many other things that I should be spending my time on. I don't know why I waste my time about things I cannot control or change, but yet I do. Maybe its just an avoidance of reality thing I've developed over the years. I have friends that I can get the same things he gave me to me...but it just seems different.

And he keeps popping in my dreams. In fact, I had one about his wife the other night (I've never met her nor knows what she looks like)...in my dream, she was talking to me and didn't know who I was. I kept trying to avoid her, but she kept coming up to me. Finally we talked...and the more we talked, the more I liked her. I saw her as a really, really nice person and I began to feel real guilty. I kept thinking "gosh, how could I ever have done this to her...she's so nice". LOL...darn repressed guilt showing up in my dreams.

{sigh} I miss him....and my world is in such turmoil.

dharma

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Sun, 03-07-2004 - 9:14am
Holy cow, too many parallels! Our fling began much the same way. However, I know his W. Stay strong and stay away. I'd find myself obsessing sometimes just because I wanted to talk to him. We talked each other through many hard times. Here's the thing. Finish school. I know better than anybody how hard it is to rechannel my energy when all I want is a pint of Ben & Jerry's and the books just sit. I only have a few short months to go! As for the divorce, I don't know what state you're in (besides confusion) but just get the divorce. It's just as expensive to get separated, and it's still not final. You have to pay twice and live it twice. Not worth it. My divorce has been final for 2 years and I'm completely relieved that one chapter is closed. Today is a bright and sunny day. It takes a long time, but it gets better, I promise. Smile for yourself sister! *HUGS*