feeling really strong today-it's so nice
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feeling really strong today-it's so nice
| Wed, 09-15-2004 - 3:23pm |
I am feeling really strong today and while I realize it may be temporary, it's just so nice to be able to feel like this at all. I had been thinking about our break-up-how I laid it all on the line-my feelings and how I hoped to be together in the future, even if it was 10 years from now. and, it turned out, he didn't love me "that way" and his plans for the future did not include a committed relationship with me. Well, I felt so embarrassed and humiliated, to have loved someone who didn't love me back and to have TOLD him. But, I thought today about something he said-that he would not allow himself to become emotionally invested with ANY woman & I realized, it's not me, it's HIM. I used to think he was so smart for staying single and being "above" these kinds of romantic, happily ever after, fairytales. But he's not smart, he's AFRAID and what a difference that is. I could live my life that way too-avoiding any relationship that might possibly cause me pain, but look at the joy I would miss then too. I shouldn't be embarrassed for wanting to love someone with my whole heart, without holding anything back. I should be embarrassed for staying in a relationship where I wasn't given the love and respect I deserve. And I am going to love someone like that, hopefully my H., possibly someone else someday, but not him. And maybe it was stupid to tell him, but it was also brave. I took a chance and it didn't work out but I won't have to regret not being honest with him and wonder what might have happened-I know. In reality, I am way stronger than he is.

They have a word to discribe men like XOM I believe that word is "COWARD", not a very attractive attribute in a man is it.
ENJOY your strong day, and remember when you are feeling less so we are he for you.
Adios
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