feeling sad
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| Mon, 06-13-2005 - 3:36pm |
hi all
i have not posted on this board befor. but events that have happend today have made me feel i need to talk..
i have been in my A for 2 years and its had its ups and down a lot of downs.
thinks in the past have made me feel i cant trust my mm that much when it comes to making dates.
this weekend is my 30 birthday and we was ment to spend the night together this he promised he would not let me down on.
i was not sure as dont wont the hurt when he says he cant make it brings. but this time i give him one more try i had it all sorted at home and was so looking forwards to the time alone.
but he had probs at work and now lost this job a very good job the only way we had of seeing each other.
i feel for him i so do and no he is feeling bad . he says now this as happend he can not do the weekend and i told him ok i understand which i do in a way. but feel hurt really hurt me cryed and feel sad once again.
he says our love is strong and we will get thought this but we dont no when we can see each other again he lives a long way a way and with no job he as no car.
i dont no what to do should i step away and try and get on ill never trust him this time i hurt big time. im 30 on fri i was looking forwards to it but now just wont to die. and at the same time feel so bad as he as lost job and im putting me first and how i feel. he as his w which im happy he as some one to hug we all need that when low. and i also have hubby, but im sad and im not sure if i wont to get of this ride . bur this ride hurts so much
plz what do i do.

I'm sorry you are hurting! :(
Other than that I don't know what to say - it's best if I just keep my mouth shut on this post! :(
Clair
Sorry to here you hurting BUT the truth you need to walk away from this anf for get all this love talk, the reality is men talk a lot about love when there in affairs but it is mostly hot air and empty words, you don't want to make plans on there word it's not worth much when the chips are down.
YOU have a husband how about spending your bithday with the man that put the ring on your finger...if that is not possible because he is not interested than maybe you need to sit down and think about a future free of both men and all the lieing and sneaking around a life free of the affair MUCK.
I suggest that you go not contact for a couple of months, spend some time reading around this board, in the next section down you will find some good articules to read that may open your eyes also read the posts of present and past posters and see if you see your XMM in anyone elses XMM.
Welcome.
Free
dear mefreenow
thanks for your reply you have made me think and i no you are right.
i did not sleep last night keep going over all the things that have been said and all the hurt.
fri ill spend with hubby i told him last night i was not stopping out with friends (really mm)and i think he looked happy said he would now sort somthing out for us to do. which your right is the way it should be.
my hubby is the one always there to pick me up and give me hugs when low i do love him we just got lost a long the way a bit and need to find that cloesness again.
as for mm i dont no i wont to end it have nc but im not sure am strong to do that. i always think about him im hoked on him and dont even no why.
how do you stop this ride???
i dont no how he feels(mm) about me really maybe he just hoked to. but i no he is not going to leave wife and deep down i dont wont him to.
but this hurt is eating me up.
and im scared i need him more than i think how do you do nc with out hurt????
i have read posts on hear and they have helped why do we do this to ourselfs???
clairxx
Clair
I would like to be able to tell you that there is a painless way to do NO CONTACT but there is not, but one thing I can tell you is that NO CONTACT is the first step to getting that CLOSENESS back with your husband, there is no way to get it back with theis CHEATING MARRIED MAN in your life...He has to go and stay gone for good.
Friday perhaps over a nice romantic dinner would be a good time to talk to your husband about you "BOTH" investing more in your relationship more TIME, COMMUNICATIONS tell him honestly what you need from him that your not getting if you can define it in a none accusitory way.
What your more likely hooked on is NOT the cheating married man but the way the attention makes you feel about yourself, you may be lacking in self-esteem and having the attention of the turkey and his compliments and occassional interest in having sex with you gives you and ego boost, on your part you do the same as well as let him satisfy his lost with someone other then his wife.
You would be well advised not to believe much if any of the stuff he told you...they LIE LIE LIE to get and hang on to the other woman.
Honey you don't need him he can only bring more pain into your life the longer you let this go on....YOU do have the power to say NO MORE believe that don't tell yourself that you are weak anymore.
KEEP POSTING and get the support that you need.
BE WELL
Free
your very right mefreenow
i not sure about nc but have cut down on textes and phone calls. but today he rang me asking how i was and i asked how he is getting on looking for new job all going ok. then he asked if i have sorted anythink out for birthday. well told him i have hubby booked weekend away for us and kids and me looking forwards to it. he got funny said why have i done that he said now he could see me for a few hours on my birthday. i told him to late sorted and after everthink i would not have gone. he then had a go saying he is the one with all the pain with job and stuff and i was being shellfish maybe i was ???
well got in to row me upset again he text back says he loves me needs me and wonts us to sort this and get past this.
i told him this weekend i need nc but he says he will text and if i no that ill read and text back sad i no.
i do wounder where this will end he says it cant we will never stop wonting each other i would have agreeded one time but now to hurt.
does the A stay with you always when you end it??i just wont to take a pill and forget all about him. i think he will alway be apart of me. can you brack up and still be friends as anyone done that???
i dont like lieing any more my hubby is a ok person.
he kowns i have seen someone behind this back thinks its all over. he forgived me and that must have been hard so why do i still hurt him and carry this on.
clair
I'm really sorry but I can't even figure out what you are trying to say. I know we all are alittle lax on spelling and punctuation around here but... to some degree we need to proof our messages to be sure others will understand them! :(
Even putting returns after a complete thought would help! I don't mean to critique but *I* feel like I'm losing my marbles trying to read that! :(
Edited 6/15/2005 10:47 am ET ET by imanewposter
Clair:
You might be more addicted to the attention than to him as a person. He is upset because now his ego is bruised. (that is why he is changing his tune all of a sudden and wanting to meet you because you didn't beg and plead to be with him but made other plans with your loving husband instead) Do you not see that this man is not about love but more about lust?
I liked the nice things you said about your husband. It does sound like you care for him and that he is good to you.
Get out of this garbage relationship. NC as of right now. Text message your husband and tell him you love him. Have a wonderful birthday....knowing you are not going to be this person anymore and yes that it can be as simple as NC. (Your emotions for this loser will get better once you establish new patterns of everyday life..you are used to his contact, his emails, his phone calls..once you break that habit or expecting them...THIS WILL GET MUCH EASIER. You may not think that way right now, but just remember...there was life...everyday life...before this guy came into it. You will have one after.
Get the attention you crave from the man that loves you and quit feeding the ego of this jerk...he can find sex elsewhere...your ego is just a lil fragile at the thought of that as well. Until YOU stop, this will not get better but hang around getting musty and ucky.
WE are not as "special" as we think sometimes and that is something your ego may have to face...but just remember that is because he doesn't really feel that way and that won't change...and yes that sucks..but guess what...you sound real special to your husband. Some folks don't even have that my dear. Find and cherish the love you had for him and vow to not let yourself forget it...activate it, water it...prune it and keep it beautiful,
Happy birthday (in case I dont get a chance to tell you). Celebrate goodness.
Lizzie
to imanewposter im very sorry, was in a rush sorry.
to lizzie1965,
thanks you have helped alot give me stuff to think about, i do just need to get out of evreyday patterns, and will try.i dont no if i love mm or lust.. but im sure nc will help me find out.
thanks to you all xxxxxx
clair
Clair it was not you that was being selfish it is this jerk of a xom, he expects you to dump your family to spend a little time with him, the guys a selfish twit.
I don't know how he defines love but my definition is that real love is self-sacrifising something that turkey is not, he wants want he wants and he expects you to drop everything for him and when he is not around to just sit there waiting..THIS IS NOT LOVE THIS IS MANIPULATION AND CONTROLING.
You do not forget your past mistakes but they do grow more distant with time, they go from painful memories to just memories, memories that you will find embarrassing but not painfull like it is right now.
Sorry but you need to go to the mex on NO CONTACT to start getting over this, moving on when you keep anysort of contact is next to impossible.
Clair there is no FRIENDSHIP to keep with this guy in my opinion...HE IS A USER AND A MANIPULATOR...DUMP HIM.
As to way you do the things you do I don't know, some of it may be addition to the EMOTIONAL HIGH that comes with affairs, poor self-esteem or other issues from your past, individual counceling could help you understand in time.
Stay strong and be FREE from this bondage.
Free