Feeling very used...and foolish

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
Feeling very used...and foolish
5
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 6:28am
MM and I had been seeing each other for five months. I fell so hard for him, still ache for him. Looking back, he never did give me any indication that he loved me or felt emotionally attached to me in any way. He finally admitted he didn't love me and was not sure he ever could, of course, after I told him I didn't think we should see each other any more. I think it was all about the sex, feeling wanted by a younger woman, an ego trip for him. Anyone else feel like they've been played?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 8:10am

Yes, absolutely. But take comfort in the fact that you only spent 5 mos. of your life and nothing longer with this guy. Also, despite how it hurts, there are no illusions, if he said that only to hurt you, it's just more incentive for you to know you've made the right decision. Better than to have been told you were loved, adored, etc., just to be strung along to stay around longer. I've been NC for almost a month, and looking at my 'relationship' with a little perspective, it's pretty apparent it was all lies. I got played, but I also allowed myself to be played. And I have to live with that everyday.

Good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 6:51pm

Lot

The cold hard truth about most affairs is that there about using and being used by the other person to get what you want or need to feel good about yourself so ya most people realize sooner or later that they were being used to meet the other persons needs. bare in mind this often goes in both directions BUT NOT ALWAYS.

You will recover from this, as usual I strongly suggest TOTAL NOT CONTACT if possible and if not possible no unnecessary contact, such as if you have not option but to work with the person.

Learn from the experience and use it to grow YOU.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 10:07pm

Lot,

I would do a lot of reading on this board. Free has given you very good advice as usual.

I found that I needed to hear it explained many times to get the full impact if you know what I mean (sorry, slow learner here... I swore I was the exception! lol). There are some good articles further down on this board and you can probably do a search for "cake eater"... that is a really good article.

As for feeling used, I feel/felt this way too. It won't be of much comfort for a while but as you start to see how all A's follow a certain dynamic you will see that it's not personal. It feels very personal now, but in truth it's not about US. Married folks that do this are looking to fill a void and it wouldn't matter if you were the prettiest, most perfect girl in the world - it would still come out the same way.

Read and learn - that's helped me tons.

WIP

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 12:21am

most or all affairs are based in lies, some its just sex but sometimes u get addicted to it

being played? we make choices, right or wrong so i think we should take responsibility and learn from it, i suggest no contact with this man or else u will just get more hurt/addiction will still be there

welcome to the board

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 7:31am
6 mths here with MM and i feel like u exactly .. totally hooked.. emotions..the whole deal.. he swore to me that when this ended wed still be friends forever couldnt imgine life with out me....i made life better for him .. as quick as it started it ended with his guilt..but he kept comming back i kept goin back.. then again .. its over i cant do this..he got what he wanted .. i got used.... i emailed him swore i wasnt going to be his yo yo and that i felt totally used by him. then what did i do after a mth of NC.. yep .. so i start all over again and no one to blame but me.. dont go back there.. NC gets easier... i should have listend to everyone here but i didnt .. they know best honestly... this is a really crappy place to be .. but u have control now.. use it ... hugs.. WAM