Feeling very weak

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2010
Feeling very weak
8
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 2:36pm
Today is my birthday and I am feeling very weak. Deep down, I was hoping to hear happy birthday from xap. Until Dday (4 weeks ago), he spoke of my birthday all the time and wanted to do something special for me. Yes, Yes, I realize how insane I sound right now and as I type this out.... I sound even crazier! But, I just wanted some kind of sign to know that even though we are not carrying on an A any longer, he was still thinking of me on my birthday! Am I making ANY sense? Please help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 2:54pm

Hi U_me,


Oh yes Birthday’s are BIG triggers. I certainly had my pitty party on my B-day.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2010
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 3:03pm

First of all - "Many many happy returns of the day to you. May you have a great day and a wonderful year ahead".


I can gurantee you that he remembers your bday. He is even thinking of you today. But he possibly thinks it is best to stay away. Take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 3:34pm

Happy Birthday, sweetie!


Yes, he is thinking of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 3:40pm

His gift to you on your birthday is that he is most certainly thinking of you, but not contacting you so as not to rip

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 8:46pm

Hi U_Me-


First, Happy Birthday to you! And second, what the others have said about finding validation within yourself and from others in your life (not xap) and not hearing from him being a sign of respect are both dead on.


On this road to healing, I've thought a lot about the reasons I had an A and it all stems back to my need for constant validation. I've made a comitment now, to myself and to my H, to work on that. Yes, I need validation from my H and others, but I need to find it within myself too- and that is hard. Even though I am very confident by all outwards appearances, I am extremely insecure. I constantly question myself and looks to others. I now realize that working on this aspect of myself will be huge in my healing... and prevent me from repeating my same destructive behavior in the future.


I think Iddy said to me early in my NC journey that he was not contacting me out of respect... and she's so right. There is no point for him to contact you. It would only tear open

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 9:16pm
I am sorry to say I know how you feel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2010
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 1:50pm
Thank you all so much for the encouraging words! I cant wait until I am strong enough and over this so that I can speak words of wisdom to others that are as vulnerable as I am! With all of your help, I know I can do this!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 2:36pm

U_me,


I can relate, except for me, my ex-AP forgot my birthday.....we've known each other for almost 5 years and he never remembered....EVER!


Two years ago, he called me about 3 days before my birthday to wish me a Happy Birthday.