feeling weak and powerless..need support
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| Thu, 04-14-2005 - 10:42pm |
Well I had gone a month with no contact from MM. I was doing so well and so proud that each day was easier and I was starting to forget how deeply I do feel for him. Then yesterday I got a phone call, it was MM. I happened to be in the same area as he and I didn't have much time but we arranged to meet. My head said NO, don't do it. But my heart is another story. We ended up only kissing, decided to go to a friends and were going to have IC but someone ended up being home. Which means we could have been found out. I don't know what to do or how to go on anymore. I can no longer get out of the house without the kids during the day so meeting up in the future will be nearly impossible. This makes me so depressed I can hardly stand it. I miss him, I love him, I want him to leave his wife. He wouldn't let me come to his house as he thought I'd leave a trail behind. I'm to that point....I want him to get caught.
How do I move on from this? I've been in love with him for 8 years now. The affair hasn't been that long as we've been friends for the most part since I got married, but my feelings for him never ended. I want to call him tomorrow...I need to be stopped!
Any advice or words of encouragement are greatly appreciated, I have no one else to talk to about this.
KH

kh,
are u in love with him or are u addicted to him ????
i know, i have the same feeling towards OW also, i dont know what to say, its all up to u, maybe he just want sex
im sorry,
max
KH
>>>>"He wouldn't let me come to his house as he thought I'd leave a trail behind."<<<<
This should be telling you what you mean to him...Not one damn thing, your not worth the risk to him.
I will not address your LOVE for him but admit I do question it but one thing is clear YOUR A PENIS HOLSTER to him and little more. Time to get yourself respect into a neat little pile and refuse to be used by him regardless of how you think you feel.
Little by little this is eating you away from the inside out, save yourself and in force total NO CONTACT against him or your only going to here from him when he has the urge to ejactulate in you every month or so.
Rough stuff but to true.
I don't think having an EMA with someone that close to your everyday life--is easy.
And I think the closer you are to them in vicinity the more likely someone gets caught.
Plus he did sound like he was coming back to you when it was "convenient" for him etc. I just think you should do all you can to move on. Why take the chance and have someone (kids?) find out?
Yes, I have two young children. No, he has no children. He has only been married 6 months and the W doesn't want children. To make matters worse he is friends with my BIL and my sister occasionally socializes with them. Before this turned into an affair he did invite me over, did call often and made it somewhat clear that if he could have me he'd break off the engagement. I rejected him time and time again. Note I said "somewhat clear" Now I don't believe any of it.... and he has said why can't I have my cake and eat it too. Mind you I'm in it also with a big reason being sex. My H and I do not have a sexual relationship at all, and I'm quite needy of the attention. Maybe I'm not in love...deep down I think I know I have little respect for him, maybe I'm just jealous of what she's got even though I know what she's got is a lying, cheating husband. Maybe I am just a place to ejaculate every month. Which hurts me deeply because if nothing else I hoped he at least cared for me as a friend.
Oh, and when we dated he cheated on me with a MW and I caught him. One of the reasons we broke up. So, I'm not suprised he's doing it to his wife
Thanks for all the words, even the harsh ones....it's probably what I need to hear.
Take a step back and look at this - he cheated on his wife with you, and cheated on you - why on earth would you want anything to do with someone like that. There could never be any trust in a relationship, even if he did leave his wife for you, you'd be forever questioning.
I'd suggest counselling and seeing whether your marriage can be revived, you have a lot to fight for in your family.
MS
A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.

MS