Feeling like the weakest person here!
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Feeling like the weakest person here!
| Thu, 09-30-2004 - 2:57pm |
I feel like I am the weakest person here. I see everyone trying to get past each day with NC. I know the struggle as well. The problem I have is I don't want it to be over but I have no choice. MM does. And the worst is he is ending it for all the reasons i should be.. both in over our heads, both want to have good marriages etc. I can't be mad at him. I don't hate him. But all it would take is the word and I'd be back into it full swing. I know that won't happen though. Is this a phase? Did ANYONE ever feel that way?? Was anyone on the receiving end and just hating giving him up. Trust me there are a lot of things I want to give up but the idea of never talking to him again is so sad to me.
Posie, don't hate me!!
I am sorry if I am bringing anyone down.

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I now realize that he did me a favor. I wasn't getting anything out of the relationship but pain for the last couple weeks. We were both consumed with guilt and fears and he was dragging me down with his nonsense. I despise the way he left, but it was for the best.
I wish I'd had the courage to do it myself, but I was lying to myself that it could work out in the end and we could be happy. I see now that I was not being true to myself. I was bending backwards to accomodate him in every way possible to make him happy, but he wasn't doing the same for me. I was just kidding myself that it could continue.
I guess in a way, I am mad that he broke it off just in an ego sort of way...no one likes being the "dumpee." I don't want him back AT ALL now, but for a while I wanted him to contact me so I could tell him off...selfish, I know...but I am trying to let go of that and just focus on moving on.
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