feeling weepy
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| Sun, 02-01-2004 - 4:47pm |
I know I have to do something with my life, I'd been on my own for 12 years before meeting him, divorced and bringing up the three kids, well the youngest is now at University and it's only myself and my oldest daughter at home, she is a social butterfly and rarely in. I guess this is the first time since my youngest left that there hasn't been anything to take her place, affair had become my life. So I feel lost and lonely and I miss HIM, being loved by someone after so long alone was wonderful just being held for the first time in years, it's so hard to walk away from.
Thinking of him with his wife is getting me down when I was in affair it didn't matter when he talked about things they did together but now I keep thinking of them together and although he told me recently things were far from good at home and I've backed off otherwise they wont stand a chance, I dont want them to have a chance. She had told him so many times over the years when they argued to leave and yet when he is going to she wants him to stay! He though she felt nothing for him that the marriage was dead and yet when she found out she was devestated and had worked hard to make things work since, mad thing is I know she has every right to and he needs to stay and try, there are children involved and I know having been through a divorce how awful it is so, why do I feel such anger toward her.
So here I am at 45 and suddenly all the time in the world to myself I don't know what to do with myself, I guess I had such hopes for our relationship, just proved to myself I'm as naive at 45 as I was as a girl, still too stupidly romantic and dreamy.
Oh well I feel cross with myself for being such a wimp and knowing that only I can change my life and not doing anything about it, i feel cross with her for forgiving him and cross with him for not working on his marriage when I kept telling him to, kept trying to just be a friend in the beginning but most of all I just want to talk to him, but I wont!
Just need to do something with my hands rather than use to text and to tell someone how I am feeling, sure after a good cry and some chocolate I will feel bit better.

I know it's hard & you'll go up and down for a while -- strong, relieved, happy to be free then desperate to see him, talk with him, have everything back. Try to remember it wasn't good for you, most of the time. Try to focus on the bad stuff -- whatever those were for you.
For me, it was when my MM "HAD to go NOW" because W was expecting him. How he had to take a shower before he left me so he wouldn't have my smell. Or how I had to lay down in the front seat of the car when we drove near his home neighborhood. Or holidays or vacations when he couldn't call or how pathetically excited I was when he did manage to squeak in a quick call. or how I bought him a long distance phone card so he could try to squeak in a call while on vacation. These memories make me cringe and feel embarrassed for me.
You're 45, so am I. Yes, we're getting older but we have wisdom (hard-earned sometimes!), we have the joy of knowing what's important in life (our kids, our friends, our families), we have a knowing beauty and appreciation for life that we didn't have in our 20s or even 30s. 40s are good and there are good men out there. Men who either left bad marriages in a compassionate and adult way or whose marriages ended other ways.
We can learn how to make the most of our lives without any man in them at all -- with volunteer work (I built 2 Habitat Houses, landscaped inner city schools, etc.) and personal challenges -- CL-JustChris is going back to college. I ran 4 marathons -- a healthier obsession, I suppose.
But there is still a chance for love -- even for us "old ladies" After my A ended (3 years of that stupid stuff), I met a wonderful guy who has a wonderful working relationship with his ex and is very devoted to his kids. He's also fun and smart and handsome and sexy. Everything I ever wanted. And you know what, I met him at my son's school! They are out there, looking for us too.
But in the meantime, stay as busy as you can. Cry as much as you like. Rent weepy chick-flicks. Do things YOU enjoy. Make yourself make plans with friends & go through with them no matter what. Make your life so full that you LIKE it or at least it'll get you through some tough days. By getting out & about, you never know who you'll meet!
You're both 45, huh?
I just love reading what you have to say! You're so cute and seem happy and healthy now. I thinks it's great the way you met your boyfriend. I am 36 and feel too old myself to meet anyone. It's not easy. Your story inspired me. I too have begun to volunteer. It's all about having a fuller life I think. Doing things you like doing. It took me a long time to find things that I was interested in. Since I have been volunteering, I heard another inspiring story. This woman in my volunteering group told me she was a late bloomer-which is how I view myself. She got married at 38 and is 40 now. She just announced tht she's pregnant! Wow. This is the kind of stuff I need to hear. Thanks for sharing.
Sparkle
Thank you for those inspiring words. I just turned 40 this year and feel like I will never meet a nice, available man. I keep thinking that my chances diminish with age. I think that's why I have had a hard time turning away the crumbs of my A. You are right - there must be divorced men out there who want to get it right the second time around.
I, too, have been just working on myself. It's kind of fun, actually. It's like, "where do you want to go today?" I think that maybe that was the divine purpose of my A - to discover myself. I am finding that I have more good days than bad. I'd say it's 2:1 now in favor of good days. I have also learned how to calm myself down and I actively practice that when I am going through tough times. I am hopeful that I will meet someone who has their act together. In the meantime, I'm getting myself together so that when the time comes, I'll be ready for a healthy relationship. Thanks again for your encouraging words.
40-somethings ROCK!!!
Bird