Off the Fence
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Off the Fence
| Tue, 07-13-2004 - 2:10pm |
Hi All on this Board,
I have been around a little over a year and hope to lend some advice.
I was in an A, that I perceived as the best thing that ever happened to me.
It created havoc in my marriage--we nearly divorced and then got back together--but agreed that there was not the love there we both needed for happiness. My H found out about the A and tried to keep me. We had a difficult year and quickly slipped back to our way of muddling through, not communicating at any emotional level and having sex as a physical release instead of an intimate act.
I asked for him to leave this past weekend. As soon as I admitted that I never thought I would get over the love I had for MM, and that I didn't love H, I felt better.
I hold out hope that the love, affection and happiness I felt during that time will guide me through my future. I don't imagine I will really end up with MM, but value that relationship as a beacon to light the way for my (hopeful) future relationships. At the very least, I understand things about love I never thought I would--or never believed possible and that gives me great hope. I have had two very wonderful men love me greatly and what woman wouldn't want that?
I have asked my H for a D. We have children and this will be painful, but I know that my happiness needs to be my primary consideration. H is a caring man and a good father, successful in his career and we have been decent companions and really good parents. I don't anticipate that will change.
BUT, the big point here is: whatever led you to the A is what everyone on this board needs to face. This forum is a great place to sort out myriad feelings and share experiences. I admire those who could go back to their families and recapture love they felt they lost. I learned that the love I desired was never there and I continued to force the issue (for 15 years!), sinking deeper and deeper in despair blaming it on my "plight" because of my religious upbringing or family of origin issues. While those things are still a factor, and while I know there is still a mountain to climb, I get to do that by listening to my heart and not to what society or my mother think.
I wish you all the best.
I may still be here from time to time, but imagine it will be time to move to the divorce board.
Thank you all for being a great community and I truly hope you all find the happiness and love that you deserve. Everyone deserves to be loved....it is THE most important thing and I am glad I have this knowledge to guide me ahead and to help me be the best parent I can be to my kids.
-L
I have been around a little over a year and hope to lend some advice.
I was in an A, that I perceived as the best thing that ever happened to me.
It created havoc in my marriage--we nearly divorced and then got back together--but agreed that there was not the love there we both needed for happiness. My H found out about the A and tried to keep me. We had a difficult year and quickly slipped back to our way of muddling through, not communicating at any emotional level and having sex as a physical release instead of an intimate act.
I asked for him to leave this past weekend. As soon as I admitted that I never thought I would get over the love I had for MM, and that I didn't love H, I felt better.
I hold out hope that the love, affection and happiness I felt during that time will guide me through my future. I don't imagine I will really end up with MM, but value that relationship as a beacon to light the way for my (hopeful) future relationships. At the very least, I understand things about love I never thought I would--or never believed possible and that gives me great hope. I have had two very wonderful men love me greatly and what woman wouldn't want that?
I have asked my H for a D. We have children and this will be painful, but I know that my happiness needs to be my primary consideration. H is a caring man and a good father, successful in his career and we have been decent companions and really good parents. I don't anticipate that will change.
BUT, the big point here is: whatever led you to the A is what everyone on this board needs to face. This forum is a great place to sort out myriad feelings and share experiences. I admire those who could go back to their families and recapture love they felt they lost. I learned that the love I desired was never there and I continued to force the issue (for 15 years!), sinking deeper and deeper in despair blaming it on my "plight" because of my religious upbringing or family of origin issues. While those things are still a factor, and while I know there is still a mountain to climb, I get to do that by listening to my heart and not to what society or my mother think.
I wish you all the best.
I may still be here from time to time, but imagine it will be time to move to the divorce board.
Thank you all for being a great community and I truly hope you all find the happiness and love that you deserve. Everyone deserves to be loved....it is THE most important thing and I am glad I have this knowledge to guide me ahead and to help me be the best parent I can be to my kids.
-L
