Figured out how to get over the A

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Figured out how to get over the A
3
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 9:02pm
bright idea # 4,143. . . i think i figured out today how to stop obsessing and get over the A! Divorce my H--become single again, date (available men), fall in love. . .and live happily ever after, right? People that know me, tell me i will have no shortage on supply of dates. I just can't seem to imagine who those folks are right now!!!!

My mother says: why do you need a man so badly. And i reply: because i haven't had one in soooo long. Can you imagine being able to count the number of times you've had sex with your H (in 18 years, mind you) on your hand? I can!! I have!! And then he debates me over the number!!! (it's not 30, he says, it's more like 50!) ei, yi, yi!

Clarice

ps. not sure the caller ID thing was such a good idea afterall. Not ONE SINGLE call on my office line today. SIGH. . . where's xMM? where are all these potential dates? Where are all the folks i write about, for crying out loud!

LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 9:30pm
Wow...I understand completely and feel for you. My relationship with my H is not quite as bad (in an average year, maybe 1x/month, although that's steadily decreasing)...but it is still SOOO frustrating. Are you happy in other ways in your marriage? That is my conundrum...perfect marriage EXCEPT for a complete difference in sexual drives. So, for the most part I feel like it's "worth it" because I'd have some sh*t to deal with no matter who I married. But if your marriage is not-so-great in other ways as well....??? I don't think I could do it if I didn't know that I had such a great man in every regard BUT.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 8:54am
Clarice, I have to ask.

Iknowitstime

(and so do you)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 9:38am
i have been staying for my two sons. that is exactly it. also, while i have a rewarding career--i don't make a ton of money. BUT, i posted here last week, that an opportunity to buy a local business in my community has come my way, which is very financially lucrative. I am looking into buying the business--which would provide me financial independence and also be very rewarding.

My H is nice. he doesn't abuse me. he doesn't yell or scream or stay out all night and drink. up until his own affair last fall, he never had lied to me and been a good provider.

But, i don't love him. we've been living as roomates for 18 years. we get along fine. but there is no connection between us at all. he doesn't give me much to love. he is emotionally and physically and spiritually unavailable. it's as if he is constipated in all areas. the T says he has social anxiety and fear of initiation. he's just not a "complete" person, if that makes any sense. so, my life could be so much worse, you see: my theme song over the last 3 years is Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb." That is what i have become--comfortable in this marriage but numb. about 10 years ago, i can remember telling him that i needed him to start "participating" in this marriage. i told him that if he couldn't, i foresaw that all the things that have happened this last year would: that i would simply give up--and i have. but please understand, i have tried and tried and tried and tried.

I do think we will divorce. It's just a long process for me. If i had to give an answer today, i would ask for separation. I know that he and i will be better off. The kids? I don't know. But i am a terrific mom and i will work thru it all with them.