Filling in xAP's thoughts: CRAZY!
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Filling in xAP's thoughts: CRAZY!
| Tue, 12-15-2009 - 12:37pm |
Hi everyone,
As some of you know, I am in LC with my xAP (he lives in my neighborhood).
Now, one thing that I hate so much is that at some days I try to fill in xAP's thoughts. Like: "oh.. he is acting so cold... he probably misses me and doesn't dare to admit it."
Or: "why does he seem to be in such a bad mood? It must be because he loves me and cannot be with me."
It's INSANE! Deep down I know that xAP does not think like that and WTF , WHY am I even thinking about what xAP might be thinking? I should not! And I am trying not to, I really am.
It makes me so angry that I think like that sometimes.
I should not care one bit about what xAP thinks/ does/ says/ whatever.
htgo

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Dear Iddy and Timetosoar,
Thank you so much for both of your encouragement :)
I read the article that you put in your post, TTS, and I am going to read more on that website. It's very helpful.
Hugs
HTGO
((((((((((((((Siennajaden))))))))))))) I'll go check out your thread
Hugs
htgo,
Great advice and support from everyone. I can't really add much more, but I'll throw in some random thoughts and experiences.
I think during the affair we are addicted and obsessed with the AP. We all know that. Then after we end it, we might be able to get past the addictive phase, yet we still cannot let go of obsessive thoughts. Why, I don't know. Lots of good insight earlier in this thread. This certainly was my experience. Even 6 months after the end and NC, I still obsessed over little details and him. I didn't act on the thoughts, but they were still there and were with me every minute of my waking hours. htgo, I think my obessive thoughts were a bit different than yours, not sure. But I didn't get stuck on what xAP was doing, I got stuck on the thought that I'll never stop loving this man. Ugh. That was tough to get past. It's been 1 1/2 yrs. and I still have thoughts like that. But when they pop up, if I think "gosh, I loved him", I make myself finish the thought with "but this is done, it doesn't matter and I love me more". I promise, it helps to redirect your thoughts and force yourself to turn around the obsessive thinking. I did that by going further with "the thought" and adding a personal positive affirmation.
Hi Bandk,
That was some very good advice that you gave me.
I also have trouble with the fact that it still feels that I love the xAP. I don't want to love him! But I will do as you suggested
"this is done, it doesn't matter, I love me more".
Thank you :)
Hugs
HTGO
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