The final straw?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
The final straw?
12
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 8:11am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 8:30am

When I realized I was miserable more than I was happy, that was the last straw. I couldn't take the limbo anymore. I was tired. I was depressed. Like many, I had become a shell of a woman, and when I went to xap for answers, he couldn't give me any. That was it. That is when I decided to take back my control and end it. It was the best decision I ever made, despite how painful it was/is.


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 9:04am
The feelings of excitement, butterfly's in the stomach, became more and more diminished when I was on my way to see him. But when I left his place I noticed that the excited feelings I had that I was now going to spend time with my H and kids were not only feelings of excitement, but also peace and safety. I never felt safe or peaceful with xap, knowing that I could lose everything at any minute. One Sunday afternoon xap and I watched a movie together, the last Sunday we would ever spend together. I had an epiphany during that movie. The movie was about how one single choice can affect so many other innocent people. One single choice can affect the outcome of so many other lives, not just mine. Wow! That did it for me. I was DONE!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 9:11am

I didn't get a final straw. I ended my A as a preemptive strike because HE was about to end it. I didn't get my reason to come to my senses until I began posting here to cope with "the loss". So, for all the ladies who got dumped or were like I was in the beginning, have heart. Even if your A-ending is/was not your choice, eventually it WILL be. As soon as the fog clears, you will be ever so thankful that you were thrown off the Crazy Train. You will OWN your ending in the end.

xo
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 10:33am

Thanks for starting this post, I like to see what others have experienced and have gone through with Xap.


For me, it was similar to all of you who have posted so far. I just got tired of every aspect of the A. The entire situation had lost its luster and every interaction with him became difficult. After XMM had his Dday in October, he began to pull back and I began to try to hold on tighter. Over time, I started to see how he was really trying to keep me on the side even though he was staying in his crappy dysfunctional marriage.


He went on spring break in early April with his daughter, his W refused to go. We

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 11:03am

GMLB- Wow, this is my xap to a T:


I cant respect a man who is miserable but chooses to do NOTHING about it. I got tired of him making me miserable as well and I didnt want to go down with that sinking ship.


I thank my lucky stars everyday that I escaped his hold. He was making me miserable because he was miserable... and that took me a long time to realize.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 12:34pm

First of all, to answer Alice's initial question, I ended my A when the "feel bads" outnumbered the "feel goods".

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2009
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 12:36pm

Hi Everyone,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 5:24pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 5:39pm

Final straws......hmmm....how many final straws can we get? Hmmmm. Well, let's see. It should have been the time I found out his baby momma (what he referred to her as) was pregnant and was during our entire relationship. Or it should have been when I found out he was M and Baby Momma was W, not just a baby momma. But no, I was a ding bat. Total fool.
That was not enough for me. I stayed around just long enough to rid him of my life and then a Dday on his end and then he turns on me full throttle. Threw my under the bus like I was nothing and that's because I really meant nothing to him. The Dday only brought them closer and me, I was not important in the slightest. Then and only then did I finally get the "final straw"...best thing he ever did for me. Best thing. He left me alone until recently. But by then I had this board and now its a wrap. I am luvin some Luvin and he is probably still stuck and a hot mess.

Thanks for post.

Luvin

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 6:07pm

The final straw? Like so many of you, there were many things that happened over the course of four years that should have had me running the other direction. But, I was blinded by my addiction (not love, as I had told myself).
I finally realized one day that even though I made him a priority in my life... I was an option in his. And I had allowed it to continue, with the false hope that one day we'd actually be together. He said all the right things, when he had to, to keep me hanging on.

I guess I just finally opened my eyes to what was REALLY happening.

And it hurt.

Still does.

Today marks 24 days NC. Sometimes I still can't believe it's over.

-Angel

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