Finally after a year making my way from MAS to EAS

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2011
Finally after a year making my way from MAS to EAS
11
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 10:06am

I don't even know where to begin... The A started a year ago and everything seemed smooth up until a few months ago. He wanted a break because he needed to put things into perspective, I was fine with that, I totally agreed our friendship was more important than the A. Couple of weeks later we were right back again, but I saw a change in his eyes, not sure how to explain it, but I could tell he loved me. So, long time apart during the holidays, after the first of the yr back together again, he told me how much he had missed me then another week of not talking to me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 10:41am
Hi Dixie, welcome to EAS. You won't be alone here, there is amazing support and encouragement to guide you through your early days of no contact and beyond. Read as much as you are able and read in the healing library as there is excellent tips on maintaining no contact. Work on turning the focus onto you and your family, don't worry about what others think. Your healing is what is important and others opinions are not important. Hugs to you Dixie:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2010
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 10:51am

Dear Dixie:

(((Welcome))) my Dear, and congratulations on making the decision to love yourself more and remove this destructive, unhealthy "relationship" from your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 12:30pm

HI Dixie-

I am so glad you made your way over here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 12:32pm

Dear Dixie,

I am reaching out right now and grabbing your hand, pulling you to the other side of that thin line in the sand between heartache and healing. On our side you will find people who will really care about your feelings, your pain, and your future. We want you free from the unhealthy addiction of those affair feel-goods and ego feeding binges and purges. In A's, you can fill yourself up on a good day, you throw your guts up on a bad one. I am sure you KWIM.

It sounds like your XAP knows that he has to end this, but the magnetic pull of addiction/desire can just be so powerful at times, and I believe this is why he has been acting indifferent and distant. It doesn't mean he really wants to end it like this.......it's just something he feels he has to do to save himself, from himself. I behaved the same way when I decided to pull the A plug. My Xmm didn't know up from down when I decided to go cold turkey. We work together, and we were *physically* together 2 to 3 times a week. Suddenly he got nothing from me after I asked for some space, and that led to the ultimate demise of a 4.5 year A. He never pushed for an explanation and just followed my lead. My ego was terribly bruised that he could let go so easily, but I was to learn later that he was also struggling over ending it too. Someone has to take the bull by the horns and bring it to it's knees.

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 12:58pm

Hello and welcome! Of course, ((HUGS!)) as well :)

I won't lie; this isn't going to be easy. But stick around I can assure you that if you stay here and learn, reach out and read as much as you can - it will be much, much easier to get through the ending and stick with it than if you don't. Trust me on that one, I didn't stick around after my first ending and got dragged back into it. It is a very difficult road to go at alone; but here you're not alone, not at all! Even if it's just to read and check in every now and again, please do. I noticed that you're M (I was S, xAP was a MM), so maybe some of the threads in the MW/MM section will help you out too.

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010

Hello Dixie,

I am glad that you have left MAS and made your way over here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 12:17am

Welcome DIxie!

Yes its true that the early days of the "ending" of any A can be rough but the good things is:

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Dixie,
I'm sorry I'm late in posting - but I'd like to chime in and add my two cents to welcome you and say ditto to all the good welcome advice you have received thus far. This shift you find in yourself to recognize the need fo the A to end and is one that is not easy - but you are an amazing brave soul for being the one to make the decision and go NC.

I know this wound hurts. Just like when you cut open your body, your soul is raw, hurt, bruised and even a little dented, but there is recovery. It comes with time, patience and lot of hard work to make sure that the wound has the chance to heal. It sounds like you are on the right path...

Much Love,
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Welcome and ((hugs))

I hope you feel our care through the computer screen. When I arrived here I remember feeling like i had found my "home" ... a safe place that practiced the type of care and concern I was going to need if I was going to SAVE MY LIFE. Yup, at the end I was a shell of a woman, shell of a mother, friend, human. I was repulsed by my actions.

This board will not collude with you. That's what made me feel safest.

I was no longer in some world where, against my inner wisdom, I was told it was acceptable to lie, cheat, and manipulate my way through life.

I believe we all have hurts that need to be healed, but in no way shape or form would that healing EVER come by behaving in ways that would DESTROY others.

We take responsibility here for the hurting we have caused by our actions and are willing to confront head on all the delusions that we held so dear in order to justify our actions: from "it just happened", "it was fate", "the universe brought us" to the total BS of: "no one will ever love me like he did", "he was my best friend", and "soul mate"

We will hold YOU tight as you too come to the realization that there is NOTHING to be gained by having an affair, that any problems that existed before hand are now magnified, and that the only way to find closure, peace and true contentment is within yourself. And so while the awful actions of the affair were ALL FOR NOT, what you choose to do NOW is what counts. BLOCK AND WALK and fully engage back in your real life and starting working in those areas of your life that WILL bring you peace and love if you nurture them.

Much care,

TU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010

Dixie, welcome to EAS.

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