FINALLY DID IT
Find a Conversation
FINALLY DID IT
| Mon, 11-08-2004 - 8:41pm |
I dont know if this will get posted seems a few of my post have been deleted for whatever reasons..But today I found the courage to end it told MM that I wanted no more contact. It was one of the hardest things in the world but I do know it was for the best an I have the closure on it this is day one so I know I have tons of baby steps to go before I can say I overcame it but I will do my best. I have spent all day crying on an off I just thank God I had to be at work or I am not sure I would have never made it. If any one has any advice on making it easier or less painful PLEASE tell me..

I read your post on the ASB, you did the only real thing you could do to have a better future.
XMM needs to deal with is marriage one way or another, I am normally pretty hard on MM that get into affairs but in his case its pretty hard blame the poor guy.
There is no easy way to make the pain go away it takes time and NO CONTACT, if you get really depressed and stay there for weeks at a time you may want to talk to your DR about ANTI-Ds to help in the short term.
It's not going to be easy but you can do this, by not giving XMM a soft place to land you may in fact encourage him to make the hard decisions he has to.
JMHO
Free
I can't say that I have advice for you, but I can say that I empathize with you cuz I'm in the same place. It's been 3 days of NC for me and I'm still struggling pretty bad. All I can say is keep coming to this board, because everyone on here has been very helpful to me so far, even if they say things we don't want to hear. We have to trust that we will get over this!!
The sad fact with any painful breakup is that there IS pain. The duration of the pain is different for everyone but this I can tell you for sure, if you have contact with MM your pain WILL be prolonged. For some reason, even casual contact with no intent to see or be with the other person in the A is a HUGE emotional set back.
Mine ended the first week in Sept. and although he tried to worm his way back into my life like nothing happened, I closed the door and deadbolted it shut, talk about inner strenth....
As you may be aware, there is a greiving process you must go through to completely get over it. The list is this.....Denial, HURT, ANGER and then finally acceptance. There is an awesome link that someone on this board posted that really helped me to deal with all these emotions, I will look for it and post it here later. The hurt and pain lasted a good 3-4 weeks for me (I think mostly because it ended badly and nasty) and I am now at the tail end of the anger stage, BTW once you move on to the next you can periodically slip back to the last.
I don't know if you are married but I am. My A lasted 6 yrs. and it began because I needed to fill a void in my life (so I thought). Since starting my A, my husband has become a much better man and I finally realized that what I REALLY needed is laying next to me in bed every night.
There's no sugar coating it, you will have feelings of desperation and you will have mornings when you just don't want to get up in the morning. Don't dispare, there are many of us here who have been through that mire of pain and desparation, we are also a tesiment to the fact that it DOES get better. As a matter of fact, I can also tell you that we are now much happier people and feel much better about ourselves now that it is all over with. Hang in there hon.....if/when you have a set back or are feeling weak, read this board. I can tell you the support has been a God send for me!
Love,
Cowgirl
I just read you response and I swear I have tears in my eyes. I cannot tell you how many times over the last six years I have laid on my bed crying because of feeling the pain of needing to end things with OMM. I even went through councelling and something she said will always stick with me....you can't control your feelings but you CAN control your actions. She also said, "don't fight the pain, you must let it happen and eventually it will pass." This is not an easy road for you but please know that you are doing the right thing. You are a single woman, you DESERVE a man who is both physically and emotionally available to you, your MM will NEVER be that for you. Be strong, I know you can do it!
Good for you for rejecting his call!
You will survive this
Please read!
http://www.couplescompany.com/Features/Grief/#TOP
I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but you are in the very beginning of a tough road, You can do this if you truly set your mind to it. It takes alot of strength and courage to end it, but you already did and now you have to begin the battle, It is up to you to want to win or loose. Everyone here has there ups and downs, I have had my fare share and it has already been two months for me since my affair has been over. There are alot of good people here on this board to help you, keep in touch with us and we will help you get thru this. There is a good article that Posie posted on this board called the 4 stages of grief. It is really great, I read it yesterday, it helps to understand the emotions we go thru. I beleive cowgirl posted something regarding the same article.
Wishing you lots of luck in the days to come. Here for you if needed.
Hugs
Ladybug