Finally here and sooooo relieved!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Finally here and sooooo relieved!
13
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 10:12am

I've known all along that it was just a matter of time before I would be posting here. I've been sitting on the fence for the past two months, lurking in EAS, posting in MAS. Today,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 3:23pm

Welcome alwayst! (:

Glad to hear you are convicted to the ending of this ugly addiction. Isn't it interesting how it always circles back around after those initial endings with someone? My A of 2 years was with a former college boyfriend from 20 years back too. We reconnected via internet and well...from 3 states away we managed to entangle our lives to the point of confusion. Grandiose promises were made for "our" dream life to finally come together--he professed his undying love from all these years apart--planned our future down to our honeymoon and wedding--then also planned his own d-day to leave his 20 year marriage. I was suppose to follow suit. But on his planned d-day--instead I got a call from his W and then from him saying a "miracle had occurred and he had seen the face of Jesus" telling him to stay in his marriage. I was thrown away in a minutes notice. And he hasn't turned back once. Immediately went NC on me. End of story. Gone.

So much for being his long lost "love of his life".

The pain has been gripping--but man o' man--with a few months under my belt, a ton of therapy--I'm starting to regain some strength and realize it was an addiction for us both.

Hard to own up to. ):

I wish you well and hope you stick around. (:

(((hugs))))

LL

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 4:38pm
That is brutal, lifelesson. OMG, I can't even begin to imagine your pain, especially
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 9:35am

Alwayst,
When I was newly out of my 18mo long A, ended four months ago, I also daydreamed (ick) about the time when I'd be able to 'be friends' and have a drink with xAP. I would daydream about having the strength and power to be in that situation and survive. However, now, I realize that I was fooling myself with more self-to-self lies -- and that meeting again with xAP would be nothing more than me trying to again have manipulating and ego-gratifying power over him. If we were to meet again it would be me being my old using and abusing self - pushing boundaries and getting a rush from it. When we feel like we've lost power, we might fall into this way of thinking. It's a sick dynamic and I'm glad I'm out of the fog enough to recognize that now. I hope you'll realize this sooner than I did, as it was a waste of my thought-energy and very hurtful.

xoxo
Dee

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