Finally i can honestly say I am stronger

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Finally i can honestly say I am stronger
6
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 8:21am

I dont know how to start this post...except with telling you I am disgusted with my actions over the past few days but finally feel the strongest I have felt mentally since before my A started 2 years ago.


So last week XAP as predicted started flirting with me again and of course i took the bait...knowing what he was at and liking it. All this flirting led to some very heavy heated talk on IM for hours all day yesterday and last night night. It got to the point that we were so bad for each other that we were nearly daring each other. I know for a fact

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 8:58am
Sorry forgot to add... what repluses me even moreabout him is that he actually had the nerve to say "well he have nothing to worry about at least we didn't do anything" So in his mind he thinks its ok to tell other women other than his girlfriend what he would like to do to them in bed. I mean he sees no wrong in it!!! Thank god we didn't stay together is all I can say.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 12:48pm

Gal-


While it sounds like you feel like you got some dignity back somehow, from my read of this, it sounds like you're just playing games.

NC since October 2, 2009.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 12:52pm

Hi Gal-


I agree with the other Gal... This entire situation sounds really unhealthy to me and it sounds like you need to do some real soul searching to find out why you feel the need to act like this. Real closure comes from yourself, not from toying around with someone's emotions. I know you feel like you need to prove that you can be in control, but honey, you gain control by walking away with your head held high. I am glad you are feeling stronger, but I think you've gone about in the wrong way and I fear this will come back to bite you when you really sit down to face some hard truths about yourself and your actions. One of my goals is to be proud of myself- so I am moving forward, being honest with myself, and working hard to regain my dignity... these actions are not going to help you move in a positive, healthy direction. I urge you to go NC now and get to work on yourself.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 1:38pm

Gal,
I'm sorry, but wtf? I don't get this at alllll. I mean, at all!
You feel stronger, um, why? This sort of manipulation and drama game is fn sick. Check yourself BEFORE your wreck yourself, girlfriend. why, why, why would you feel the slightest bit validated or vindicated by this encounter? It's the seediest of the seedy. It's like saying, "hey! I got the rattlesnake to strike, but I didn't get bit and, like, whoa!"

This post is BS and I'm not the least bit sorry to call you on the carpet about it.

Dee Bomb.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 2:12pm
I'm with the others, why would you feel proud by your actions and leading him on? You call him a liar and cheater and a manipulator but what does that say about you. It takes two to tango. ANY woman can give a guy an E and make him want to sleep with her. That's easy as making pie. You shouldn't be flattered by having the ability to throw yourself at a guy and turning him on. Find your self respect and dignity and realize that what you did is irrational and STOP yourself the next time your mind tells you to do something so crazy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 5:30pm

hi ladies


thanks so much for taking the time to reply and i really do appreciate your opinions. You are all right it is sick, as I said first off in my post that i am disgusted in myself. I also said that I regret that it has taken me to get back into EA with xap to realise this. I 100% should have maintained LC/NC like I had been doing for the past 12 months. I did not feel one bit proud of my actions believe me. Whilst this EA started off again several