Fine Mess

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Fine Mess
5
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 4:47pm
Hi (((everyone))). I went to an consultation with a psychologist yesterday, one my counselor referred me to. I got broadsided with a diagnosis I never expected: An eating disorder. I so want to run, quickly and without looking back. I have been thinking about calling OM and just fleeing. He just feels like the only safe place. Does that make sense? What in the world am I going to do? One can only juggle so many things at once. Thanks for being here, thanks for listening to me ramble on, and most of all, I'm still glad all of you are here and we have eachother to lean on. (It's the one thing keeping me from doing something stupid, like actually calling OM!-YES I know it would be stupid) Feeling thankful your all here~Mel~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: melyn610
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 5:26pm
Mel,

I'm glad you went to a therapist...

Please don't run or flee. Get the help you need. You may have more than one thing diagnosed, but you CAN get help, and if you deal with all of the problems, slowly, over time, you will eventually feel better - feel GOOD. And isn't that worth fighting for - to feel good???

Running to OM will NOT make you feel good, you won't heal... whatever is wrong inside of you can not be fixed by him or any man. Please... I am saying this because it's something I am trying to learn and accept too - that the reason I had the affair and why I am depressed is because of something INSIDE OF ME. The affair was a symptom of my sadness and loneliness and it only made it worse... but it was not the reason and it can not be the cure.

Hugs... you are WORTH it - fight for yourself and to find the happiness inside of you.

Glinda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: melyn610
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 5:51pm
Mel!!! So sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Lean here with it! We will be here nfor you.

There is a health channel here a iVillage. I've included the link for a support board there for eating disorders. http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bheating. There's one for compulsive overeating, too. I included it 'just in case." http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhovereat

~Chris~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
In reply to: melyn610
Sat, 05-03-2003 - 2:21pm
Hi Glinda,

I had to re-read your response, just to let it sink in, yesterday. Today I feel dedicated, ready to face the chellenges that lie ahead...because yes, feeling good and even having a great marriage, one that feels good again, are definitely worth fighting for. You said, "Whatever is wrong inside of you can not be fixed by him or any man." It's funny, I guess I never thought of it that way. My counselor said that not only was the affair NOT about the OM, great person as he may have been, it was a distraction tactic on my part to divert the attention off of my issues and what felt broken or was hurting in my relationship with my DH. Same thing goes for the eating disorder... it is a way for me to divert my attention...its not about the food or exercise or my diet or even weight...it's about feeling under control of something tangible when everything else is out of whack.

I'm ready to lace up the boxing gloves and fight the good fight... if ONLY to find the happiness and joy inside ;) ~Thanks and (((Hugs back))) ~Mel

(PS) I also have depression, and read that you do as well. Maybe we can reach out to each other when we're havin' a rough go of it? Just a thought... Thx again, your words meant more than you may ever know! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
In reply to: melyn610
Sat, 05-03-2003 - 2:25pm
Hi Chris, Thanks for those links and also the encouragement... both are helpful ;)

~Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: melyn610
Sat, 05-03-2003 - 2:45pm
Mel,

Reach out ANY TIME honey... I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. I think you will find a LOT of us have dealt with or are dealing with depression - whether or not it's diagnosed "officially". The answers are ALL inside of you, truly they are... they may be difficult answers, and you may need guidance and support as you try to find them, but the ONLY chance any of us have to be happy is to look inside ourselves.

We didn't enter affairs because everything was just wonderful in our lives or inside our hearts... and they end up backfiring on us because the pain they heap on top of whatever was already wrong just makes us come out even worse than we went in. The affair, the OM, don't make us happy because no one person can MAKE us happy. A person can share our happiness, but they can't give it to us.

You feel like everything has spun out of control in your life... I understand that. And I think your therapist is right that your eating disorder is probably an attempt to find control of something in your life - it's just a misguided attempt, similar to the way an affair is a misguided attempt to find happiness. Let the therapist and the support you find here help you as you find the REAL paths to happiness. Inside of you.

Hugs

Glinda