First Love Reconnection
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| Thu, 04-28-2005 - 8:28am |
Hi,
Glad I found this site, my old boyfriend who I was serious with about 20 years ago found me on classmates, and we started IMing, we're in 2 different states, I guess you could say it got emotional.......we never did see one another.........I"m married with 2 kids, and wondering if this is a mid-life crisis?? Although the posts Ive been reading, I have the same feelings, if we dont talk I get down,etc.....This is so new to me, and I ask why did he find me, it just stirs up all these emotions, and I feel like Im on a roller coaster........I have told a counselor about this, and she calls it my emotional affair......I really need to let go, but its hard, when someone just lifts you up......I think its harder for me because we were close to getting marriage, but religion and families discouraged it.....Anyway I appreciate you listening because I need some support to get through this......... and try to figure out why I feel the way I do......
Thanks,
Dona

Dona
You have already answered the why about it...your hooked on how his attention makes you feel about "YOU" it is all about "ME" sort of a reflected glory you see yourself in a better light through his attention, young/sexy/fun the "GIRL" you were not the "WOMAN" WIFE AND MOTHER YOU ARE" ETC.. and none of it with the resonsibilities of being a wife and mother no mortage or bills to worry about in this relationship ETC... VERY ADDICTIVE emotionally....IN THE END VERY VERY DISTRUCTIVE like all addictions.
Question you need to ask yourself is are you prepared to destroy you children,husband,marriage,home life and the love and respect of the REAL PEOPLE in your life for this FANTASY life that has little to no chance of surviving in the real world, the guilt of destroying all those people for "ME" would be with you 24/7 add that to the intial problems that kept you from marring in the first place, also in 20 years people change a lot you have change and so has XOM more then you think you have grown older in different worlds your not really the same people you were 20 years ago are you.
Mid life crissis sure that factors in but all the emotional contact with out any of the down side of a real world relaionship is making this fantasy seem far far better then real life is bring it into the real world and your in for an eye opening experience and not a nice one.
Do yourself and everyone else a huge service and go TOTAL NO CONTACT enforced if need be by you, give yourself time to emotionally disconnect for 6 to 10 months and then look back and take a second look at it...you will be surprised.
Dona get out of this now or be prepared to inflict the worst pain you can imagine on yourself and your whole family....IT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU LET THIS CONTINUE it will not stop at an emotional affair.
Free
Hi,
Thanks for the eye-opener, it's just I realize how emotional it is, when there is NC.....It's true its been 20 years, but I guess I feel there is still a connection, which is why its hard to let go.....I have a great life, nice home, dont have to work, 2 great kids, but just something is missing, like the emotional support from my husband, I guess, always has been, been a very difficult 20 years.........No I dont and am not ready to give everything up, just wished he never made contact........Thanks for all your advice, it all makes sense, I just can't live in this roller coaster of emotions and it isn't fair to my family.......There has been some great advice here.......thanks for being here.......
Thanks for your message, its like an addiction, you all are so right........Why can't I end it???I guess it's just not possible to be friends, I know eventually it will escalate, thank goodness he's 500 miles away!!! And you're right he's going through something, and then he'll let me go when he figures it out...................The roller coaster of emotions is really the worst, I dont eat, havent been sleeping, I get depressed, I know this is not good for me or my family...........I guess in time this will heal..........Thanks for your feedback, this a wonderful place to share, since the only person I can discuss this is with the counselor..........
dona,
welcome to the board !!!
and run like the wind !!! , as far as u can from him unles u want your life to change ina very dramatic and painful way, u have read in the board how painful it could be so pls stop now while that fantasy is not yet in full bloom
take care of yourself,
max
Dona -
I could just simply say "ditto" to everything others have said. Like you and Lea, my XOM is my highschool love from nearly 20 years ago as well. Initially, I made the mistake of thinking that the love between us was only nostalgic and then met him for lunch one weekend. BIG MISTAKE. As everyone has warned, it did go farther. It has been nearly a year of ups and downs....the roller coaster ride for you now is tough, but from experience, let me assure you as well that it will only get worse. I only wish that I had found this board before I ventured down this path. I do believe that my XOM and I are still in love with one another ... but I am also slowly realizing that the fantasy of having a true relationship again is just that ... a fantasy.
As everyone else has said -- stop things now...it's a pandora's box that you don't want to open any further.