First week done
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| Fri, 07-16-2004 - 7:17pm |
One thing has been kind of strange. I have talked to him more these past few days than I had the last month. We had gotten to the point where we had stopped talking and it had become purely physical. I don't know if it is his way to help ease the pain, or if out of guilt for him, but he is putting up a big effort to be friends and focus on the talking, the way we used to before things got messy and complicated. I had told him that I missed that part of our relationship. In the beginning we had fun and flirted with each other and complained to each other about everything from work to our home life. After we started A, he was too worried someone might notice our flirting or how much time we spent talking to each other.
Yesterday I took the afternoon off to have some me-time. My cell phone rang 4 times and I had a few e-mails from him. It was all pretty casual, just talk about work and some other meaningless stuff, but he never was one to call me before. I talked to him because I'm trying to make an effort to remain friends with him on some level. After all, he didn't do anything wrong, or at least nothing that I wasn't aware of. I had gone into this thing with my eyes open, and he hadn't made any promises. Now I think he's just trying to show me that he wants to be friends also.
We discussed me taking another job because I thought it might be easier for me. He told me he definitely didn't want me to do that. He understood if I needed to, but he enjoyed working with me and said he would hate it if the company had to find someone to fill my position. I told him I wouldn't rush into anything and we would see how things went. I told him I had to think of myself from here on out and not put his needs first. Otherwise I was never going to get over him.
So, we'll see how next week goes. Right before he got off the phone with me today he said he would talk to me Monday even though he's supposed to be on vacation. I'm kind of hoping he doesn't. I need to keep a little distance between us. Talking while were in the office is one thing, but calling me while he's on vacation will only make it harder; not too mention make his wife wonder more.
I just felt like posting what is going on. I've been reading the posts here every day for inspiration and support. It is great board and each day I take one more babystep in the right direction.
