The fishing can't touch me now!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
The fishing can't touch me now!
13
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 9:21am
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Edited 7/5/2010 11:25 pm ET by actingasif

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 9:45am

Oh, Baby. I think you might not get the yahoos you're expecting re: this post! man, oh, man. I think you might get whomped by the vets. I'm not even you, and I'm cringing.

I'm very, very happy to hear your enthusiasm for being 'over it' and I want you to continue to feel proud and accomplished about how far you've come..... so, don't let what I'm about to say be taken the wrong way or make you feel defeated, ok??

Acting, darling, you need to rethink what "over it" means. You have a leeeetle bit further to go before you can make that claim. "over it" and "indifference" does NOT mean that you respond to fishing, not even with a big, fat "fudge you". You broke NC, honey. You say you realize you shouldn't have responded, so, um, why did you go against your own better judgement. And you must know that you went against the counsel of the board, right?

So, let's look at this situation in a positive light. It has exposed that you are not quite as solid as you thought you were - exposed a weakness that needs addressing. Huge blessing! Better to expose the chinks in the armor and get them ironed out now rather than have a major set-back later, right?

Okie dokie, Pokie. Love ya. Know that you're rocking this ending shiz and knowing that you're going to be all over this like a duck on a junebug! Keep up the good fight.

Best,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 10:06am

Dee. That's ok! Anybody have at me...I can take it! I'm really glad this happened because now I know that even fishing attempts can't touch me!

Hugs, AAI

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 10:40am

Hi AAI,


Sorry to hear about the fishing attempt. It is always disturbing to get them when you are done, have healed and are moving on.


I had to really think before I responded to your post and like Dee I have not had my coffee yet so I really had to work through the foggy brain. I want to first of all compliment you on how you have handled the previous events of the last month or so. I know you were riled up but did not make any contact with xAP. That was not easy to do. You showed great restraint and pose though it all. It’s time to get back on that saddle again. Also I’m glad you didn’t take it like he still cared so much about you because when you think about what he wrote, especially the part where he is saying he cannot have “that” again, what he is really saying is it was nice to have someone that he didn’t have to be fully emotionally responsible too. He could use and did not have to support financially. So yeah it will probably be hard for him to find “that” again.


I’m sure from all you have read here you remember that no response is the “best” response. Any reply even a negative can crack the door for some. He could now start asking what do you mean it’s a day late or when should I have replied etc. Your reply might seem very clear cut and dry to you but he could take it in totally different manner. He might think you meant had he sent it a month or so ago or two months ago then you would have been interested. That does not scream hello I’m married.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 10:57am

What E1 said.


That's all for now,

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 11:38am

U can block on Iphone, u can block anyone from anything if u really want to. It's only 5.00 to block, money well spent with Att n well worth it. The best part is you can not contact who u have blocked. The blocking works Borg ways and they get an error message stating that you never got the txt. That's a lovely response in my opinion. N you are not breaking contact. Yet it surely tells the sender they can not reach you.
The only downside is that they can txt u from other numbers but they do not know that n men rarely go thru such desperate measures. My MM was the exception. So I changed everything. Think about that...
If the fishing continues.

Also, ur response was not only not good, but gave him the messGe he was too late vs. It being over regardless. Would u not have ended the A had he contacted you sooner? I do not know. I am just trying to let you know how the receiver would take that message. Do u know Jane's 48 hour rule? Had u come here n posted, we would have helped you thru this fishing attempt n guided you thru...had u waited, ur aversion to respond would have likely passed.

Many AP like any attention, good or bad. Something u need to keep in mind. Towards the end of my A, I would send emails saying the end was near, those were meaningless. He was just content to hear from me. Even if it was something negative.

Also, u can change ur settings on ur iPhone so that they do not just pop up. If I find out exactly how, I will let u know. Play a bit with it. Under settings. Or google it. Or call apple support.

U may think u have licked this fishing attempt...but it will likely affect you in the days to come. Sorry.
I know because mine affected me and I didn't even respond.

My best to you

luvin

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 12:34pm

Ouch, ouch! Okay, okay, feeling the hand slaps right and left. I know I deserve them. I set a bad example to everybody. The "day late and dollar short" comment that I responded with is only referring to our entire relationship. We had always said that "if only we would have met in a different life", where we were both single and the same age. We made the comment to each other on many occasions. So please don't read into that too much. I should have kept all of this to myself, because everybody seems to think that this can and will set me back when in actuality it strengthened my resolve. Still, I do understand the power of NC, and that is how I became so strong. Onward and forward. So excited to see my hubby tonight. He has been out of town all week.

Love, AAI

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 12:46pm

Please Iddy, E1 -- help with this one!! please.
I'm at a loss but about to pop trying to hold back. I don't have the chops.

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 1:27pm

Ditto Iddy- what E1 said.


True indifference, in my humble opinion, is when you receive a text like that, it absolutely does not cause any emotion to stir up nor a desire to respond. By throwing a knife back, you have let him have some power. I know you say that you feel ok about it, but there might be some residual effects from this. Either way, I am proud of you for all you've done to recover and I hope you continue on that path.


Big hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 2:46pm

I feel ya Dee.

AAI,

You are not hearing us. We are not trying to best u up. We are trying to help. Keep in mind, we have all BTDT. I have survived a sportsman if a fisher.

While pleased that your hubby is coming and ur excited is great. No contact breaking is not. Why oh why would u go back to a phrase between you and him reminiscent of the A? Not good. To be repeating yur lil sayings to one another is worse than what I originally thought you meant. He will likely fish again.

You gave him fuel. I am on my phone and will post more later. Breaking NC is so not good. N no u should come here n share because u obviously are making mistakes on ur own. How are u gonna handle the next time? U are thinking "I sure showed him" n u did but not what ya think...

Sorry u feel this was a beating...this was barely a time out. Even Dee took it pretty easy on ya...

I hope this fishing does not get to ya...but I am pretty sure it will. One wat or another. We are further along than you. Try to see that it had not been long ago since we been much like you...only to be knocked on our a's later on.

Clearly u have grown, but at 4 months we all have a long way to go.

Luvin

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 4:19pm
Thanks you guys. I do understand where you are all coming from and given more time to think about it you are all right. I should not have responded AT ALL. I wish you all could understand the growth in me that has transpired since my ending. I am not the same person I was before the A. My eyes are completely wide open to how I let myself get into it in the first place. I like myself enough now (with therapy), and I am now longer the weak little girl who needed attention in all the wrong places. I understand fully what God has blessed me with. I guess I was feeling so good that I got cocky when I received that text. He would have heard me a lot louder if I didn't respond. I apologize to everybody on here who has received fishing attempts and who were strong enough to not respond. No matter what anyone thinks I truly do not care about the A anymore. Honestly I don't even think about it until my intentions are doubted. However I also know that the tough love I have gotten from all of you comes from your experiences, and that's huge. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend...I know I plan to!
PS. Dee- Don't ever be afraid to bust my chops if I so deserve, even if you haven't had your coffee yet. ;)

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