Five months of NC!!!!
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| Wed, 11-26-2003 - 12:01am |
Slowly, as the weeks and months passed I began to feel better, more normal. Now I'm feeling ok. Not happy all the time mind you. I still have the same problems I did before I got involved with MM, but at least now I'm unhappy about things I can change, whereas while I was involved with a married man the root of my unhappiness was something I really couldn't change.
I cried every day. I ached. I felt worthless because he had chosen his wife instead of me. I felt angry. Anger alternated with extreme sadness. I hated him with all my heart one minute and wanted to beg him to come back the next. I didn't. I kept quiet. I maintained NC ....
Today I am at five months. I can go a whole day without thinking about MM! Actually I can go several days! I've met someone who seems like he might be a good possibility. He hasn't asked me out yet, but I'm hoping he will. Getting interested in someone other than MM is really great progress. I enjoy the little things in life now, a sunset, the changing of the seasons, a yummy lunch. While I was with MM all I could do was focus on how miserable I was. I feel happy now, happy and whole, not in tears all the time, not miserable, not feeling worthless.
How did I get here? I'll tell you: this board was a tremendous help. So many people here helped me so much, were so supportive, so kind, so loving. I've met some wonderful people here. I don't know what I would have done without this board. You all got me through some very dark hours. Other things I did: I concentrated on other things, redecorating my apartment for instance. That took a lot of time and mental energy. I was doing something good for myself and something that kept my mind away from constant thoughts of MM. I've also started taking classes and that makes me feel like I'm moving ahead, doing somethign good for myself.
But the most important factor in my having made it to five months, is that I was kind to myself. I listened to myself, I took care of my sadness, I treated myself with gentleness. I didn't try to sweep the pain under the rug; I didn't try to cheer up and get over it quickly. I allowed myself to feel the pain, to grieve for as long as it took. I might still have a bit of pain in me, I think I always will ... but the worst is over.
You can get here too. You can make it to one, two, three months and more. Let yourself do it. Stay strong. Stay with NC. It's worth it.

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Thanks to everyone here, including you, IAD. You were always so supportive of me.
Happy Thanksgiving and Peace to you all!
Love, Torn2Pcs
I like what you said about not sweeping your pain under the rug...maybe sometimes we do need to feel the hurt and work through it and that is the only way we can get past it.
Let me ask you IAM, did MM try and contact you over that period of 5 months? and if so did you just ignore it?
God Bless you and thank you again for sharing your story with us!
Jazzdiva
I think he has kept away from me because he knows he was a two-timing schmuck and he feels crappy about it. I think he probably also realized at some point that I really just wasn't going to have anything to do with him no matter what he did.
The only way to let go is to let go. It sounds like you've had a really rough time over the last few months, and I can sympathize with that. Feel all your feelings about the OM, but don't contact him. It's ok to be mad, sad and to feel vengeful, just don't act on it. Don't contact him.
I hope your prospective new man asks you out... or I'm sure you could make something up... for him to go out with you... a last min. cancellation by a friend... perhaps? Find out where he likes to go and accidentally, bump into him... you know, have fun with it..
Keep being delightful!
THANKS!
Katja
Congratulations!!!
I am very pleased to see you come so far, IAD.
HUGSSSS!!!!!!
Tiny
Thank you for putting yourself out there when I needed it I appreciate all the support you have been for me.
Hugs
Cali~
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