Five months of NC!!!!

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Five months of NC!!!!
16
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 12:01am
I began NC five months ago today. I thought my world was coming to an end. I had to realize that the man I loved was NOT going to leave his wife, even though he had told me many times that he would. I was miserable when NC started. I thought I would be sad forever. I cried almost every day. I thought I would always cry. It was a pain unlike any pain I've ever know.

Slowly, as the weeks and months passed I began to feel better, more normal. Now I'm feeling ok. Not happy all the time mind you. I still have the same problems I did before I got involved with MM, but at least now I'm unhappy about things I can change, whereas while I was involved with a married man the root of my unhappiness was something I really couldn't change.

I cried every day. I ached. I felt worthless because he had chosen his wife instead of me. I felt angry. Anger alternated with extreme sadness. I hated him with all my heart one minute and wanted to beg him to come back the next. I didn't. I kept quiet. I maintained NC ....

Today I am at five months. I can go a whole day without thinking about MM! Actually I can go several days! I've met someone who seems like he might be a good possibility. He hasn't asked me out yet, but I'm hoping he will. Getting interested in someone other than MM is really great progress. I enjoy the little things in life now, a sunset, the changing of the seasons, a yummy lunch. While I was with MM all I could do was focus on how miserable I was. I feel happy now, happy and whole, not in tears all the time, not miserable, not feeling worthless.

How did I get here? I'll tell you: this board was a tremendous help. So many people here helped me so much, were so supportive, so kind, so loving. I've met some wonderful people here. I don't know what I would have done without this board. You all got me through some very dark hours. Other things I did: I concentrated on other things, redecorating my apartment for instance. That took a lot of time and mental energy. I was doing something good for myself and something that kept my mind away from constant thoughts of MM. I've also started taking classes and that makes me feel like I'm moving ahead, doing somethign good for myself.

But the most important factor in my having made it to five months, is that I was kind to myself. I listened to myself, I took care of my sadness, I treated myself with gentleness. I didn't try to sweep the pain under the rug; I didn't try to cheer up and get over it quickly. I allowed myself to feel the pain, to grieve for as long as it took. I might still have a bit of pain in me, I think I always will ... but the worst is over.

You can get here too. You can make it to one, two, three months and more. Let yourself do it. Stay strong. Stay with NC. It's worth it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 12:16am
Five months -- WOW -- congratulations!! You are truly an inspiration. I am almost at one month of NC. Whenever I am tempted to contact MM, I think of how far I have come, and know it would truly be going back to square one if I did. Keep up the good work! (=
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 7:05am
Congratulations, IAD! I am happy for you and your note gives me hope. I haven't seen the XOM in 7 months but contacted him in September after nearly 4 months of NC. What a mistake, but for me, it was closure. I haven't done anything foolish since then and I've got to say, I am really beginning to feel normal again. Although, my life has changed forever, and I have learned so much. Like .... I'll NEVER go there again! There are still days when I feel mad or sad but I know I've finally accepted things for what they are. I'm moving forward now and I think I'll be OK.

Thanks to everyone here, including you, IAD. You were always so supportive of me.

Happy Thanksgiving and Peace to you all!

Love, Torn2Pcs

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 8:21am
THANK YOU so much for sharing your story! You are definitely an inspiration to others....I can't imagine being at 5 months NC.

I like what you said about not sweeping your pain under the rug...maybe sometimes we do need to feel the hurt and work through it and that is the only way we can get past it.

Let me ask you IAM, did MM try and contact you over that period of 5 months? and if so did you just ignore it?

God Bless you and thank you again for sharing your story with us!

Jazzdiva

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 11:48am
He did two things: he sent a "hi" through a mutual co-worker (we used to work together, but I left because I couldn't bear working with him) and one other thing which was very indirect, so I'm not 100% sure he did it, but I'm about 99% sure! I ignored both of his puny overtures.

I think he has kept away from me because he knows he was a two-timing schmuck and he feels crappy about it. I think he probably also realized at some point that I really just wasn't going to have anything to do with him no matter what he did.

The only way to let go is to let go. It sounds like you've had a really rough time over the last few months, and I can sympathize with that. Feel all your feelings about the OM, but don't contact him. It's ok to be mad, sad and to feel vengeful, just don't act on it. Don't contact him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 12:31pm
Loved your post! It was great... I tried to go on a date this past weekend.. I just don't think I'm ready yet. It was fun, but I just wasn't into it. At any rate, I just think. I'm going to be by myself a little more... the bonus is that I don't have to waste any money on X-mas presants for a MAN! That's cool..

I hope your prospective new man asks you out... or I'm sure you could make something up... for him to go out with you... a last min. cancellation by a friend... perhaps? Find out where he likes to go and accidentally, bump into him... you know, have fun with it..

Keep being delightful!

THANKS!

Katja

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 2:46pm

Congratulations!!!


I am very pleased to see you come so far, IAD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 6:52pm
I am so happy for you iamdelightful. I remember reading your fresh pain and feeling so close to it and bad for you at the same time. You had it really hard because of your circumstances. I am really proud of you. That is great that you took each and every moment you needed for yourself and fully felt the pain and got through it. That is a really nice way to put it. There really is no way to let go except let go, and treat yourself the way you want to and deserve to be treated. YAYAAY!!! I'm SO happy for you!!

HUGSSSS!!!!!!

Tiny

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 7:28pm
Good for you. That is wonderful. I figured you were doing well haven't seen you in a while. You did great for yourself healing and progressing through this awful situation. Good luck with the new friend. Hope he ask you out soon.

Thank you for putting yourself out there when I needed it I appreciate all the support you have been for me.

Hugs

Cali~
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 10:53pm
During the five months calling him or e-mailing him has crossed my mind a few times. The desire always passes. It's sort of like craving a cigarette. I don't do it because I know it's bad for me.
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 10:54pm
Thanks for your reply torn. Glad to hear you're doing so well. Seven months is a really long time! It just gets better and better though, doesn't it?

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