Five steps that might help

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2009
Five steps that might help
10
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 6:37pm

Hi All,


I'm two weeks into NC and thought I'd just share some things that I've stumbled onto doing that actually seem to be working. I should tell you that I was in A for five years

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 7:45pm

Great post utbn!


Unfortunately, there are some of us that don't have any "bad things" to reflect on concerning xap.

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 8:44pm

This is a great post and I'm wishing it could be brought down to the Healing Library so others can contribute too.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 11:56pm

Good point about de-sensitizing. We had "our" song (as many couples do). I still remember so vividly - this song playing, us dancing in my house, him whispering on my ear that he loves me.
Long gone.

And long after, I couldn't listen to this song without tears. And then I started playing it over and over in my car on my way to and from work - almost an hour drive, until it became nothing but "a song". Nothing special to me. Just like this man - he meant something sometime back in my life, but not anymore. Do I remember him and that night in my house, us dancing and him whispering on my ear that he loves me? Of course. God, I loved him. Him and everything about him.

Does it make me cry? No, the feeling is gone. GONE. And I love the word.

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
Sun, 11-22-2009 - 10:41pm

UTBN-


GREAT post!

NC since October 2, 2009.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2009
Mon, 11-23-2009 - 9:48pm

Gal...


I'm so glad it helped! Totally on the same page with you on not being able to stick to NC in the past. It is so easy to forget the pain and just MISS him. I have a hard time staying mad...then I get sad....and then eventually he always calls and I'm so damn happy to hear his voice, I go right back like nothing bad ever happened. This time I guess he finally made me mad enough that I don't WANT to think about the good things...I don't WANT to give him a pass...I don't WANT to find excuses for his inexcusable behavior and disrespect towards me...I DO want him to get out of my head and not come back so I started not letting myself think about anything good where he is concerned. They don't deserve for us to make all the sacrifices while they just come and go at their whim and it SHOULD piss us off...then we should be able to use their own careless actions to get over their dumb a**es.


I am making progress...I didn't cry AT ALL this morning on my way to work (first time) and I actually sat through an entire, hour-long management meeting and didn't think about him

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2009
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 3:09am
I have done a lot of the things you mentioned. One thing I also do ( no offense to anyone) is reading on MAS and it helps serve

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 12:21pm

Thank you for the wonderful words.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Wed, 11-25-2009 - 3:23pm
Little chuckle here...I do the same. Read MAS to remind myself how delusional I once was and NEVER AGAIN in my life I want to be back into this ugly sticky mess when everything is turned upside down and makes no sense at all.
**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Fri, 11-27-2009 - 12:25am
Loved the post as well...and it is ironic-you said "Have we all been sleeping with the same man?" Well, in my case, I have not slept with him at all...but yet I still feel all the things I read on here! And the steps to recovery are so true. I sometimes let myself just cry..and then I am over it. I also force myself to think of stuff he has said that pissed me off...and there have been plenty. Just wanted to point out that even the emotional affairs
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 11-27-2009 - 10:01am

From someone who is out of the A and the fog...I can tell you your strategy is right on.


And as Energy said, some might not have bad memories of xAP and in my case, my xAP really isn't a bad guy.