Focusing on my marriage again

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Focusing on my marriage again
3
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 11:55am

So here I am LC with XMM and gaining strength every day. I see the A for what it was, an addiction. He gave me the validation, appreciation and attention that I so craved. He was someone that I would not marry or pursue if single but his absence definately leaves a void. I know I will continue to move forward and all of you have been wonderful.


My trouble is returning my attention and heart to the home front. I have a wonderful H who has been tolerant of my major mood swings with never an ill word. He does NOT know about my A but has definately seen me withdrawl over the course of the A, for about 15 months.


I am in therapy and he has agreed to go and meet with her independently as well. Maybe we will go as a couple, who knows. I am hoping that therapy will help both of us understand the other.


I just want to get from my husband what I got from XMM, that appreciation and validation. I spent years trying to tell H what I needed and he didnt try to understand or provide that for me,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 12:19pm

OMG, I could have written every word of your post - except my A last only a few months longer. So strange.

I don't have any answers for you, unfortunately; I'm just treading water with my H. We cannot afford therapy at the moment, and I'm not sure I'd be "there" for it right now anyway. If you husband is willing to go (and do the 'work') then you are doing pretty well, actually! Thank goodness.

A note though, I would suggest that you have different therapist for IC and MC. I'd be surprised and dismayed if one therapist agreed to counsel you for both; its not the usual practice.

BEST!
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 2:41pm

GLMB,


I am not a counselor by any stretch of the imagination, but I can tell you what seems to be helping me fall back in love with my H.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 8:56pm

Hi GMLB,


I could really relate to your post and it sounds like you and your H are in the same boat I was in with

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.