the fog has lifted and now it hurts

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2009
the fog has lifted and now it hurts
20
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 12:38pm
I posted here a little while ago after 10 days of NC, then I had a weak moment, started over with NC and am on day 14. Now that the fog is starting to lift, I am seeing things for what they were/are and it hurts alot. While in the year long A, I convinced myself that I didn't really care and could stop it at any time and thus, would never get hurt. I had all these rules for myself, like I would never email/text or seek him out first (because I was "playing it cool"). I'm seeing now that I gave him complete control - he could contact me whenever he wanted and would always get a response and he could come see me whenever he was wanted to and would always get sex. I knew that he had many other girls on the side and while in the situation, it didn't bother me - because I was REALLY cool (not). Now it disgusts me and hurts. I'm mad at myself for getting in this situation and at him for screwing up my life, playing me, and especially for not hurting and struggling like I am right now. OUCH.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2009
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 1:26pm
wow...its
"Women can fake orgasms but men can fake entire relationships" -Sharon Stone
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 1:31pm

LS,


   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 1:33pm

Hi Live,


Oh, how I remember 'playing it cool'.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2009
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 3:37pm

Thanks for the responses and encouragement! I feel thankful for the great things I have in my life, including my wonderful H. I try to remind myself of those things often, and like you said Mickey, that works SOMETIMES. I also hope that I get a point where I don't even think about him anymore. I asked for NC and haven't heard a word (ouch) but I haven't blocked his email so I keep checking and hoping for something. But my Christmas present to myself is to fix me, make me happy, focus on my marriage SO December 24th, I will officially block his email and all other ways of communication.

Thanks for rambling!! Every word helps!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 3:59pm

Livestrong,


Why block him December 24? Why not now? You're probably holding onto hope that maybe he will fish and you will feel better...trust me, it just makes it worse. Make it an early Christmas gift and block him now. I am currently 8 months NC. It's very empowering to take back control. Best of luck to you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 4:08pm

Hi Live,


I agree....why wait til Dec 24th?


I know it's suppose to get better as time goes by, so that's really what I'm banking on myself.


I think I might be depressed so I'm thinking about going to get something from the doctor or IT.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 5:46pm

I just found this site and will probably be reading it thoroughly and visiting often as I am either in the middle of or in the beginning stages of ending an affair.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 6:02pm

Hi Always,


It sounds like you are already emotionally involved with this man, whether it's just 'lust' (which I suspect it is) or not.


It doesn't sound like you are ending the affair, so you may want to post on the My Affair Support board, as you may get more feedback to your dilemna.


Not that it matters really....but guess I'm just curious....over the past

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 6:05pm

I would love to welcome you to EAS, but first I would advise that you start your own thread, and please leave out all the mushy romantic stuff. Everyone on this board is well aware of *why* they got invovled in an A, and it wasn't for the free popcorn that came with the show. ;-) The majority, if not all woman on this board, have ended their affairs and are in deep pain and confusion, looking for support to stay NC with their XAP's.


Thank you, and when you've decided to end your A, we will be right here to get you through the tough days/months that lay ahead. Until you make that decision, please read as many threads as you can, scroll down to the Healing Library and read all of the threads there, and seriously contemplate just how dangerous a game you have gotten yourself involved in.


   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 10:07am
I'm sorry that I didn't realize the gist of this thread. It's the first one I read and posted my story here before I looked at any others. I really appreciate your support and my heart goes out to all of you who have ended your affairs. I have been there and am trying to do everything I can to not go there again. Time and support from friends will get you through.

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