The Fog has Lifted & it Sucks

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2010
The Fog has Lifted & it Sucks
16
Sun, 04-25-2010 - 2:41pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 10:57am

Not gonna slam you, might push you, n I know u were talking to Jane, but I just have to respond. There is no real closure in A's. All that I miss you stuff...always care about you stuff. Those are words. Words a bunch of us on this board have heard from Exap's. Those are ways to keep the door open. It is my opinion that you are still in some really deep deep fog. You may think you feel better now because u think you got closure but what u got was some last feel goods. The lows will still follow. Breaking contact was not a good idea. Only leads to another break. Next it will be "how are you?" "I still think of you" n there u r again. U saud urself u tried to end this A five times. I do hope it's different this time, but based on the encounter and all you just described, sounds like one of you will be fishing soon. I hope that I am wrong. You see in a few weeks or even less you will be telling yourself he cared, he misses me. I miss him, maybe a txt or email from him or you won't hurt. Slippery slope. Like I said, I hope I am wrong.

You are still protecting him. Complete fog. I am not saying you need to resent or hate him. But I hope u really get to see him once those rose colored glasses come off. I wish you the best n truly hope that NC is really what you are commited to.

Luvin

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 11:40am

First, thank you for saying that I am wise... I am a far cry from it, but I am glad you can benefit from some of what I've written. It all comes from the heart. It is pure, unadulterated emotion and we all go through it.


I am not going to slam you because I relate to you, but I will offer up a bit of tough love. You are still in the fog. You are. And I am sorry to say it so bluntly. The reason I know that you are is that I know exactly how you are feeling and why you did what you did because I have been there. I wrote my xap a letter to end things and he responded and that was it. And yes, I was oh so tempted to check in with him and have that one final good bye or at least catch up with each other and make sure everything is ok and blah blah blah- I get it because I think about to this day. But I read this in those moments:


"Closure means dead."

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2009
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 3:12pm
The only "closure" is the one we give ourselves. There is no closure that depends on someone else because we really have no idea what their motivations are. This is a man who loves his wife, would commit suicide if she left him, but cheats on her. I think it's safe to say "feelings" aren't what motivates this man, so I'd think twice before romanticizing
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 11:46am

hey i have also gone through everything you are going through too. My XAP was single first

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2010
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 4:32pm
I am sorry for those that look at this for the first time, but I erased most of my posts in this thread.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 5:45pm

hey dont apologise for anything and I know the tough love on this board can be hard to accept at times ( sure read my post I got a well deserved bashing tonight) . But honestly all the women on here have BTDT so know exactly what its like and mean well.


I did the whole obsessive thing too. Like having every excuse to drive by house....i mean for what...its insane when you think of it. The only thing i got was knowing he was in if his car was there. I mean if you think about it what does it achieve. Ask youself how will this make you feel better? I know it made me feel like a nutter. Up until recently I used to check his

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