The fog is lifting......
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The fog is lifting......
| Sat, 11-07-2009 - 5:37pm |
I have been reading here and posting here for a while now. I read all of the wonderful words of wisdom hoping that something will finally sear into my being and make me finally get it. I have read about the fog and how all of our situations are basically the same with different circumstances (some of us M or S....A with friends, neighbors or co-workers). I still hung on to this hope that it was some how different for me. I told myself that my situation was different and there were real feelings on both sides and that "WE" were somehow different, unique or special.

kristinintexas-
thanks for those thoughts...they represent exactly where I am...feeling the fog lifting and the bittersweetness of the clarity.
Nomore,
You are very welcome. This new place (mindset) is very bittersweet for myself. It seems scary yet exciting all at the same time. It is clarifying yet confusing.
I realized the other day that I was looking at this the wrong way. I kept thinking that the thought of him out of my life forever quite simply hurt like Hell. Truth is that the idea of him out of my life does hurt like Hell but the idea of him in my life hurts like Hell also. If I am to make a choice then why not pick the lesser of two evils. For me the lesser of two evils is to have him out of my life. This way I can go on with my life and learn to love myself again. This way I get to know myself again....not the old me as she is misguided and has poor judgement at times.....but the new me that will have a whole new level of wisdom and self-worth.
I don't look at XMM as anything but what he is.....a reflection of myself.....as the saying goes we are the company that we keep. (That is not directed at you but at myself) He is someone that has lost himself along the way and found himself not feeling so great about his life or himself...much like me. He is someone that found an escape
kristin-
absolutely no offense taken.
hi,
boy do i get that bit about seeing through the fog. i am emerging from an A with a mm after 4 years. i deluded myself also in that he loved me, we are different, it is a love affair, etc. actually, it was an addiction. you are so smart when you call it a way of feeding egos and meeting emotional needs. it was not the great love affair, only i can get him, he gets me affair. it was basically physical needs being met in a cheap way. he had no intention of leaving his wife and frankly, he led it on as long as he could. i like to think he wasn't deceivi g me, but at some level, he knew what he was doing. so did i i guess. i broke up with him over and over and kept coming back, because i was afraid to go it alone. others on this site tell meit is a self esteem thing, i think they're right. i am so sorry that you are feeling the hurt of finally seeing through the fog. it does hurt. I am hoping that now you can move on, just as i am struggling to do so. it gets crazy. not sure why it happens.
Hang on, don't go soft, be tough. i'm with you on this.
Kristin and nomore,
I think