followed my story? He's gone.
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| Sat, 06-11-2005 - 12:43pm |
i need more of a "slightly unhappy" emoticon lol.
If you have followed my story you know that mm is gone. He is now a thousand miles away. i would say the chances i will ever see him again are slim. If we did, it will be years.
He was a basket case the last three months. He insisted he was staying with her, and then would say he wasn't sure. At one point telling her he would be happier with me, loved me and had more fun with me, this whole 40 minute lecture he gave her.
i had started dating another man and this gave him ammo for anger and threats, and then he'd turn around and say sorry, that he loved me. He tried to blame his inability to leave on me.
It's been a nightmare, but only becuase i always loved him so much, and he loved me too, just not enough to make me his. So when moving time came, he packed up the truck and went, and she let him. She had everything in her name - he had one foot out the door. i refused to wait on a change that may never happen and be bought into more empty promises. As soon as she indicated she would let him move with her, he left.
This is the most confusing mess i have ever been, although it is over now. It's been over for three months with the exception of the lingering doubt and sadness. i felt in my heart he was leaving yesterday, and today he's gone. i know it as i know the sky is blue. For two years he has lived a mile up the street. i could walk there. Two years, and now it's in boxes, and he goes to a new place, and before i know it, i am just a closed chapter, a rough spot in an otherwise very long marriage. jen, the rough spot.
i'm sad, NUMB, mostly numb, that he could actually go, that he could actually blame me, that he could actually threaten me that he could actually be so mean to me yet this man was so kind and loving to me for two years, and i know good mm is still in there. But he's not mine, he's not even close by anymore.
i truly, honestly, never thought he'd leave. i honestly, truely believe his promises and he never understood why i woudln't sit around and wait for the remaining three months. i just felt i had waited long enough.
i know this is random thoughts. i apologize. hard weekend. i am starting to dread the weekends now. i used to really like them.
Now i am out dating for the first time since 20. And boy, it's hard. i gave myself all the propaganda about going out finding a man of my own. Too bad no one is interested in the job.
sorry so long,
jen

Hi Jenn,
I am in the same boat, different story, same ending. MM made promises that he didn't keep. I too gave two years and am trying to date again and pick up the pieces of my life.
Its late, so I'll come to the point. As if you were preparing for war, gather your fortress because it is almost never over with these weak, pathetic MM. I still get "I love you" emails and he still says that he's fighting for us. I would bet money that you hear from this guy again. Maybe you won't see him, but with email these days it is very easy to just pick up right where you left off. Just be prepared. Guys like this just don't go away. You said that his marriage was on the rocks? Well, its not suddenly all better magically because he moved with her. You have no idea what will happen and therefore its a good chance he will be back, looking for you. I am not trying to build your hopes up - rather, trying to warn you. You do not want a man like this. I know its hard - believe me. Just protect yourself. You will meet someone new. Don't worry.
Ivy
jen
Jen I know it is hard, but try to see the truth. It is in there and is usually really simple. Forgive me if this seems harsh, but the truth as I see it is this guy chose between you and his wife. He chose her. Over, done, move on. He will be willing to keep your life on hold as long as you let him. It is always fun to have a personal fan, which is what you are to him. I agree he will probably show up again but see him as he really is. Stop fantasizing him into some great guy. Great guys do not cheat on their wife. He is a weak, user. Don't waste one more minute of your life on him. You deserve so much more but will never get it until you open up your eyes and really see what is there for you.
I know it is tough, but you are strong and can do this.
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