Found Out Today I Was "The Office Joke"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2009
Found Out Today I Was "The Office Joke"
22
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 9:28pm

Tears are streaming down my face as I write this.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010

Dear Aloha,

I want you to feel this big hug coming for your ((hugs)).

From the bottom of my heart, I want to say how sorry I am that you have found out that this was all just some sick calculated game. Most of us come to realize that, to various degrees, we all played off of one another, but this just takes it to a whole new, intentional level.

I can't imagine the pain that you are feeling, but want you to know, that this scums actions are that of an inhuman sleaze, and not a reflection in ANY WAY on who you are in this world. This news (and I think it IS important how you found out) I hope fuels you toward healing ... direct your focus inward and be so grateful, like thanking your lucky stars grateful, that you are not his fiance.

Be proud of yourself for ending the A. Karma does come around. I truly believe that, for us all. He isn't getting away with anything Aloha. Deep down inside, I believe he knows that he is nothing but a Loser - and he covers his deep seated insecurities and wounding by engaging in horrifically objectifying activities.

You hold your head high woman. You made a terrible mistake in going down that A path, but woman, not one more day will you be throwing your dignity away. That is all in the past. We all learn such painful lessons when we choose to enter these As.

Be gentle on yourself. Try and find something to stop your mind from racing and use some positive self-talk to over-ride the horror you have heard.

What do you do? You just keep keeping on. DO NOT LET THIS BREAK YOUR STRIDE!!!

We are here for you,

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 11:09pm

(( Alloha ))


I cannot say more but keep your head high.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 11:26pm

Oh Aloha Girl,


Big, big bear hugs…I believe all on the board wish we could give you a group hug.


I cannot imagine the emotions you must be feeling—hurt—anger—disgust to name a few.


I’m so very, very sorry that two people treated you in such a manner.


TU covered most of what I think about two people who would set out to do such a thing however she used some more diplomatic words then those that crossed my mind.


<>


I don’t think he is “really” happy because if he was he would not need to prey on people to make himself feel better. Healthy and balanced people don’t need to do such things.


<>

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008

Hi,


I am sooo sorry for the pain your feeling.


This man is not a man at all, no proper man would do this dreadful thing, keep your head up and keep going onwards and upwards.


I feel for you I really do.


Sunbeam


xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2010

This guy is a complete loser... I detest him.


I'm so sorry you've had to go through this but yes, keep your head high. The best thing you can do is 'fake it til you make it' - walk about that office proud as hell as if this A meant nothing to you. I know how hard that must be but having worked with my XAP - I remember he would be devastated when I would come to work dressed up and confident (although I was totally faking it) I'd laugh and smile all the time and it would always work. Then I would go home and crumble.


As for your XAP being happy, seriously, this loser proposed to his girlfriend after having an A with you?? How happy does his future really look? It's going to be one big karma train ride. If he had an A on her now, what will happen a year, two years down the line?


The temptation to warn this girl is probably very strong, but resist, because it'll get in the way of your proud and walking tall game.


She will learn for herself.


And he's running about saying how much she loves him, cooks for him, pfff... honestly, he talks too much - what's he trying to do? Reassure himself that she loves him so he must love her? BSh*t.


Today I'm numb with grief, and find it hard to even get dressed and face the day... but with you and the rest of the girls here, I'm so happy to have the support.


You WILL recover from this... it just doesn't feel like it. You sound like a beautiful, amazing woman. Keep faking it, confide in friends, keep posting and reading and every time you romanticise your XAP think of this moment, and the bad times.


Take care missuz.


We're all with you.


PL

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009

((AG))


As what already has been said, walk with your head held high and your eyes focused on yourself and your healing. I would also suggest to keep putting yourself out there in the real world and try to stay busy with other people and activities outside of work. Like you, I am stuck at my place of employment for personal reasons but that doesn't mean it's my life. It's just a job, one that pays the bills and puts food on the table. Our jobs, just like anything else, do not define us nor do the people we are stuck working with. At the end of the work day, they go on with their lives and you need to go on with yours.


An A boils down to being a bad joke for all of us. The last laugh is always on us for having been so naive and/or vulnerable. We put ourselves in that position and we can remove ourselves from it too. Keep working on yourself and your healing, and let time get you to the other side. Someday down the line xap and his cohort will mean nothing to you. I can promise you this because I feel absolutely nothing toward my XJAM, the people who once worked with us, nor any

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2009
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 10:01pm

I went into my XAP's office yesterday and called him on the carpet about me

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 10:24pm

Aloha,

I am having a really hard time supporting the actions you took. I know you felt that it was what you needed to do, but against the advice of every person who responded to you, you chose to let his actions dictate your behaviour. You must be honest with yourself as to what motivated you? What were you possibly hoping to gain? Please re-read the rules of LC.

You stroked his ego with your confrontation, and I am afraid you will come to regret this latest ditching of your dignity.

I hope that I am wrong. I hope that this is the end of the A for you. I hope NOW you will begin to focus on your own healing and that you will come to take responsibility for the active part you played in the A.

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2009
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 11:01pm

I don't understand how I was stroking his ego.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 11:31pm

Hi AG,


I don't know what to say with your action but i do hope that the outcome will be in your favor.


Well, the end of our A will be a new experience for him! - it doesn't matter what the jam's point of view on that incident

Pages