Four weeks today
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| Fri, 07-02-2010 - 8:49am |
Four weeks of NC.
Four weeks since I turned 50.
Two weeks since I found the EAS board.
Had a low point the other night and wanted to send an email to xAP, but didn't. What stopped me was a lot of things, but mostly all the discussions on this board. So many things ran through my mind, wait 48 hours, NC is the only way to truly heal and what did I expect to gain from contact? I don't want to start up the A again, nothing more needs to be said, too afraid that xAP's W would go to my H and I'd have a hellacious D-day, so I waited through the desire to contact him and it passed. I still have thoughts of him everyday, still have anger, but hopefully that will all fade with time. I'm trying to put my marriage back together and its a struggle for me, but think one day at a time.
Found out xAP is not taking supervisory job where I work. I breathed a sign of relief last night.
So, today with four weeks of NC, I'm feeling good.

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Congratulations, MovingOn!
You worked the steps and got over a huge hurdle. Very proud of you. I was a sloppy mess at 4 weeks, and, like you, had it not been for this board I would have caved. The advice here really is a life-saver and it's uplifting to read your post. I hope the other newbies out there will take note.
Best to you,
Dee
Hey Moving,
Congrats!!!
Babysteps
...even if it is all I can do, I can take one babystep.
NC/LC since May 21, 2010
<<<<>>>>
I agree 100% - I want my 5 days to turn into 5 weeks and 5 months and 5 years. A little worried because it's Friday and XAP knows I don't have my kids on Fridays. (Which of COURSE means I will be out fishing for other men, not going to yoga and the grocery store and to bed by 9:00, alone) The last two Fridays were soooo yucky with horrible, horrible accusatory messages. (Which I just deleted yesterday without listening to any of them - I thought I wanted to keep them for motivation - because they were so toxic, but I just wanted them gone - like him.) No shark sightings yesterday at all. Yay! Hopefully today and tonight will be uneventful.
Congrats Movingon :)
Bodhi
Thanks everyone, and yes I deserve credit for maintaining NC, but I would not, could not have done it without this board of wonderful women. It is one thing for my head to say don't contact xAP, and a couple of my closest friends who knew my situation to just say walk away, but without this board to explain the stages, to focus on the steps, to learn about the 'fog' I was living under the past two years, I would not have understood it and why it was so important for NC to heal, and not only for myself but for my xAP.
Even though I am still angry and hurt by the end of the A and xAP's cowardly actions, I don't want to harbor hate in my heart forever. I have too much love in my heart for what is important like my H and kids, so hate won't have room in there forever. Again, THANKS to all the wonderful women who have made me a stronger person these past few weeks and have shown me that silence is dignity, compassion and above all golden with truly rich dividends!
MovingON
MO,
4 weeks is huge around here and I am doing the happy dance. Also, Happy Belated Birthday. Did turning 50 play a role at all in your decision to take back your life? Ironically, I started my A when I was 50, and used to justify it as a mid-life crises. Yeah, it was definitely a CRISIS alright and I should have diled 1-800-STOP NOW. ;-)
I'm very proud of you for not sending
~Iddy~
I am so proud of you- you worked the steps and avoiding breaking NC and each time you do that, it will get easier. Now at over 5 months out, I still think of xap and have low moments, but the urge to email him or reach out to him is nil. I simply won't do it. I've recited all the reasons why so many times that I've internalized them. You will get there too. Just keep movingon :)
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Let me add KUDO'S to you for hanging in there.
I am a man, yes one of those people. I have been lurking here for quite sometime, and have learned many things from all you smart women.
I've learned about FOG, and NC and the 48 hour rule. It has all helped me in my own mess, that I allowed myself to get into.
I am about double your days in NC and still struggle with the same things you do. I am sure we are all the same, in that respect.
I am about to have a birthday too, but a lot older than you. You would think I would know better. Doesn't age have something to
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
Hello Moving,
You have done great - like the others have said, four weeks is a big deal. I am also a counter. I can't help it. Every Thursday, I think about how many weeks it's been since I've talked to xAP.
Things are easier today, at 11 weeks, than they were at 4 weeks. You will get to this point too. Do I think of him? Yes, every day. Do I miss him? Not really. I am still missing the fantasy that I had created, but that's about it.
Hang in there, and post often. Even if you feel like you don't have much to say. I am still working on that myself. But coming to this board and sharing with all of my friends here has been so therapeutic!
Have a great weekend, I hope that you are feeling a sense of freedom today. I sure am.
-Angel
Thanks Angel,
I will try and post often. I know I made it four weeks, but have been plagued with a lot of thoughts of xAP the last few days, but not enough to do ANYTHING about it.
It's comforting to know that after 11 weeks you still think of xAP, but you don't miss him. I still miss my xAP, but realistically I miss the attention I got with his texts and his phone calls. But, I am working on other areas in my life to give myself kuddo's and happiness.
I am trying to be happier with my husband and my family and be more invested in them. I know my H is responding happily to me, but I am still reserved. I guess I am still comparing apples to oranges and even though both are fruits (both are men), there is no way they will ever be each other. That part is hard for me to deal with....if I could wave a magic wand, wish I could combine both men and have traits from each, but I can't. I must choose to be happy with my H and realize what I had with my xAP was just fluff and nothing MORE. xAP certainly proved it by walking away from me, though his words said differently. Actions do SPEAK louder than words.
But, I still maintain NC and thank the wonderful women and gentleman that post on this board. Words cannot express how much the encouragement has helped me through this emotional time in my life.
Movingon AT 50! YEAH!
MovingON
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