Freaking Out! Please HELP!
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Freaking Out! Please HELP!
| Thu, 01-21-2010 - 3:41am |
Hi All,
Well, last night I left my email open on the computer.
| Thu, 01-21-2010 - 3:41am |
Hi All,
Well, last night I left my email open on the computer.
Hi mickey. I'm not sure I can help because I am not M, but I am sure someone will come along shortly to provide you with some insights and help. I can only imagine the panic you must be feeling right now. Don't do anything yet until someone can offer some advice on how to handle this situation.
It sounds like you have had a d-day in the past. What was the outcome and what did you H tell you he would do?
Hi Kilo,
We had a D-Day about 3 years ago when H and I still lived together.
I completely understand about not being able to sleep. Here I am awake at 4:30 am trying to work my way through this stuff. UGH!
One step at a time mickey. Have you and your H thought about M counseling? Maybe that would provide a safe place for you to get this all out in the open and really work on repairing your M. Like I said, I am S, but from what I read it seems that to truly work on rebuilding a M, you have to become very transparent about everything. This gives you a clean slate and then you have a starting point. Once repairing your M becomes the center focus then thoughts of xAP will start to slip into the background and fade away.
I am sorry I can't be of more assistance, but I am here to listen until someone comes along that can really help you out.
I am only very new to this board, with dday back on December 15th, real and permanent NC starting 3 days ago (I actually haven't seen xMM since December 12th but had spoken to him 4 times and exchanged text messages up until NC initiated by me) and two days ago I came completely clean with my DH and told him about those contacts I'd had since dday, as well as many other details about the A that I'd failed to tell him.
The feeling of relief was pretty big, even though I knew alot of what I told him hurt him even further than the hurt I'd already inflicted. But we both knew it was crucial to do it in order for us to begin 'real' repair work on our marriage.
Obviously your story is a little different to mine, in that you had a period of separation from your husband (one of my husband's fears was that if we had a period of separation that I would see/communicate/hook up with my xAP, I kinda think that is/was one of the reasons that is driving him to keep us together and work through these very difficult times right now). But my personal opinion (and many may argue with this which is absolutely fine) is that in order for you to heal and address the reasons why you went along the A path in the first place is to completely come clean about everything. Of course, this may be impossible for you depending on any number of reasons and I understand that.
I also feel that in order for a marriage to repair and rebuild (and remember, I am far from an expert!) and be 'real' and honest and open, there can be no secrets. I decided to 'come clean' for a few reasons, those being that 1. my husband deserved that, 2. that spiritually, I needed to do that - I HAVE to be honest with myself before I can be honest with others and 3. I don't want to spend the rest of my life carrying more guilt around, and worrying that he may 'find out' things down the track that I hadn't told him - he would be devastated.
These are just my thoughts, and of course, every situation and marriage is different. Hope this all makes sense!
Hi Mickey,
This may be abit of a mixed patched here. But why why why on earth do you still have those emails? Now since they have been recently remembered-DO NOT forget to delete them now. They are doing no good whatso ever. The aroma of the A still lingers when sh*it like that isnt destroyed.
As your H...you know him the best. There is many times where I knew H knew and just waited for the bomb to drop but it never did. I used to think he was just waiting to use things against me...and maybe he was. But at some point I got over it, if he had something to say then he would say it.I decdied I wasnt going to walk on egg shells anymore. If your H knows , he knows...the damage is already done. Let him guide himself and you through it....dont go looking for trouble/fights....if he did see it and it really bothers him HE will bring it up; maybe he saw it and just decdied that is the past--moving forward.
Moving forward also means getting rid of all that junk- inside and on the outside.
Yikes, you sound stressed, my friend! I agree with dm, let your husband guide you through this, if he knows, he knows and there's nothing you can do about it now. AND if he does confront you with what he found, you are still able to tell him that the A is over and has been for a little while now, right? You just didn't delete those old emails YET.
I'll be thinking of you and looking for your updates on how this turns out.
Good luck!
Hi,
I had deleted all the emails from the secret account I was using.