Free I need your perspective please

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Free I need your perspective please
3
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 1:43am
Ok I know you've read my posts on the other board and so you know some of my situation. Here's what I need your perspective on. My car broke down so H has been allowing me the use of his car for 3 months now. H says when he gets the explorer he's looking at he will sign the title of the car over to me. I've been down lately but putting on the happy face I just can't do that anymore and when H called to say he was on the way to pick up our son he heard in my voice something was wrong I kept saying nothing anyway next thing I know H brings me a dozen roses mixed with other flowers. He's been bringing his stuff over to my place slowly prior to this and saying I love you even before I do sometimes when we talk on the phone. Lately he acts like he doesn't want to leave when he comes over he hugs me like 6 times saying he really ought to go etc. I couldn't voice what was wrong so had him read a letter to my mother and he left with tears in his eyes. Before he left he said "Actions may not always show it but I am trying and keeping my word" He promised to replace my microwave that blew up and did, he's given me money, and other things in this past month only once did I have to ask. Am I reading to much into all this? I'm so afraid to get my hopes up that he does intend to come home so what do you think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 9:52am
wishingstar2004

I think he is continuing to play the same old games he has been playing all along y he is running it on her and you just like he did when he left.

If you are consideing taking him back and it sure looks that way I would require at least two things from him 1) an open decloration to the OW that he is done with her period and NC with her and 2) that he get into councling until the counclor say it is ok for him to stop, untill he does BOTH of these things he can no way would I set myself up to go throw hell again.

Good luck

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 12:44pm
Thanks Free! You know I thought of the NC but i didn't think of having him tell the OW to her face that he no longer wanted a part of her life. I know he'd benifit from IC but how would I broch the subject? He seems closed off to that idea. How would you broch it any suggestion will be appreciated. Thanks again
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 1:42am
HI Wish

I would tell him plain and simply that there are real rock solid conditions he has to meet if he wants to come back TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT PERIOD.

If he refuses to do such simple things to win you back then how badly does he really want you, I hate to say it but you have to look out for number one here or I think your going to spend a lot of your life dealing with this sort of drama.

Jmho

Free