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| Thu, 10-14-2010 - 10:03am |
I've been thinking a lot about the process of reclaiming my dignity and character and about how badly I crave that feeling of being redeemed.
| Thu, 10-14-2010 - 10:03am |
I've been thinking a lot about the process of reclaiming my dignity and character and about how badly I crave that feeling of being redeemed.
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Holy smokes Dee, what you expressed is exactly what I was striving so hard to get to. I got there. But it is so comforting to see it in words.
I think maybe it is indifference if you want to put a label on it. Or very close to it. Whatever it is, it feels so good and rewarding to be done. To be past the cr*p.
Being able to look at myself in the mirror and not see "that woman" was my goal. I've only been there a short while compared to the length of time I struggled with my part of the affair. I think time, reflection and being honest with ourselves will eventually lead us to a calmer place. I have to insert here, that had I had a D-Day, I know everything would be different. And I thank my lucky stars I avoided that.
It's strange how we spent so much time wallowing in the past, missing the feel goods and now like you said, the only thing I feel is "Ewww" !! How could I ?
((Dee))
<>
You are right. They can't coexist and knowing and accepting this is
Girl, you are such an inspiration!
Dear Dee,
What a great post - and a great point in the process. You are no longer working on the "ending" of the affair, but the continued beginning of your new(er) you & life. You've been an inspiration to me and everyone else here on this board (that is if they are wise enough to get over their own sh&t to hear your message). You've made me laugh out loud and nod my head in agreement. I have felt sadness when you were struggling, and I rejoice with you in your triumphs. I am getting closer and closer to indifference each day, and I am relieved to hear Iddy say that we'll always be reminded of the affair, but reach a point that it just rolls off our minds. You've counted your blessings (like no xAP fishing) and have moved past the "just getting through the day" phase of ending. I wish for all the newbies to take heart when they hear that with work, hard work, you get past the mourning period and into the phase of deep reflection relatively quickly. I like you, couldn't hold onto any of the 'feel goods' of the affair. When I look back, none of the "best memories" are even good memories. When I think about the antics that were pulled off in order to "accomplish" those oh so blissful moments, I feel sick. I feel sick about who was hurt, knowingly or not, who was lied to, deceived, who was stolen from ... and the remorse I feel for his family is everlasting. I feel a deep sense of concern for them, not for him. I worry about how they are doing, how they are feeling, and if they are healing.
Wow, the other side of Dee --- serious ;)
Thanks for sharing a very heartfelt, powerful post.
Thanks everyone for the kudos, but I really think this is group success.
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