Free.....need you!!
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| Tue, 05-17-2005 - 10:20pm |
Hi Free. I'm sure you're probably sick of my whining, but you know my story and I don;t get what's up with me today. I saw him in his work vehicle again, and it was totally unexpected because he was off his route. (Usually I prepare myself cuz I know when I might "run" into him.) This time was really no different than any other. He saw me, smiled, waved and as he was turning to a different road, his wave turned into that stupid "I love you" sign, that we used to flash eachother. I've been so good at brushing it off, just shaking my head and going about my day. Today, I felt sick to my stomach. Like I was actually longing for him again. It totally ruined my whole morning. I was sad and depressed and I don't really know why.I DO NOT even know what I ever saw in him. Really, there's not a lot of good about him. I started feeling better as the day went on, and eventually I pretty much forgot about the whole episode until just now. I swear to you, Free, that I thought I was over it. The whole thing. But now I wonder if I'm just trying to talk myself into believing that. I'm supposed to be going to that "event" that he (and his W) will be at this weekend. I just don't know if I even want to go now. I was looking so forward to the season starting up again, but quite honestly, (and it disgusts me to even feel this way) but I don't know how I'm going to handle seeing them together. I want to enjoy myself and go home happy, not depressed about him. I didn't think that would be a problem until today. Really didn't think he would ever have that affect on me ever again. Seriously, I don't even know if it's him that depresses me, or just the fact that I lost. There is obviously something that I can't seem to let go of. What is it??? And how do I let go of it. Why does he still take the time to put money in a payphone to call just to hang up when he hears my voice? Why does he still flash that stupid " love you" sign? Isn't he supposed to be working on his marriage? He did, afterall, tell me "my wife means everything to me, you mean nothing to me." (even though she "made" him say it.)He's a LOSER!!! I know that!! What is wrong with me? Please tell me this is just a fluke emotional thing that happened to me today. It's been months since I've actually been sad over him. I think what I really need is to get to the bottom of this whole "new, cute, single guy" thing. YEAH!! that'll make me feel better!!
Thanks for letting me vent to you Free!! If you have any words of wisdom or advice, I could use it.
Pal
Edited 5/17/2005 10:47 pm ET ET by pal1214

Hi Pal,
I'm not Free but wanted to write you a little bit...I think that eventually you can get over anyone but you have to take yourself completely out of the realm of contact where they can contact you. It sounds like this man lives in your town so it seems a bit complicated but unless you are dying to go to this event, I'm not sure it is the emotionally healthiest thing to do and witness him and his wife. I can't answer you exactly as to what it is that made you upset about him but drawing on my own experience it is most likely not love but a combination of feeling like you lost the competition. Plus I don't know why (and many books have been written on this) but a lot of women are drawn to men that are cruel, mean jerks. I remember your post about his message to you that his wife made him leave for you. Perhaps you have not fully explored how this really made you feel. Did you allow yourself to feel hurt, betrayal, and grief? It sounds a bit like you took the high road where you weren't going to grieve for this jerk. As confident as that sounds, you may have not dealt with all the emotions associated with the end of the A and they are threatening to come bubbling to the surface at any time. I'm dealing with my own mess here so am not sure how useful my advice is. I can however pretty much describe your MM's behavior - it's pretty typical. He's a weak spineless coward who probably secretly hates his wife and may in act love you but at the same time may hate you for bringing a mirror to his life, if that makes any sense. I'm sure he is miserable and thats why he keeps saying I love you and will do anything to keep your heart open for him. I bet he wants out but is way too much of a coward to do it. Believe me, if his marriage meant everyting to him, he wouldn't have been with you. He's a mess and the long and short of it is that you don't want his wife's job. Are you single? Date new guys. I am doing that and it helps t distract myself from the whole MM mess.
JMHO,
Ivy
pal,
on behalf of FREE, no contact is the way to go
now this is Max talking, he is trying to manipulate u, its a game, he is feeding his ego at your expense, u can do this, break away from him, focus on something else, get a new cell phone number, get a new land line number, move to another address if possible
get away from this man, u know that no good will come to u from him, in the end it is your choice , pain or happiness and love
pls take care of yourself, start having small goals,
max
Pal
First let me suggest that you do not give this reaction you had more importance then it deserves which is very little,don't allow yourself to obsess about it or invest your thoughts or emotional energy in it....it is simply not that important.
You most likely experience on of to things: a EMOTIONAL REFLEX ACTION, you can have then 15 years after a relationship ends any relationship good or bad affair or not makes no difference AND HAS NO MEANING at all.
Second most likely is it was a bit of withdrawl, this tends to happen in cycles with the time between the getting longer and longer until they stop at some point. This happens to just about everyone and is not and indication that you have some secret desire to get back with him, the unexpected meeting may have simply triggered a release of them lovely natural brain stimulants that we all got so addicted to, there often released by unexpected stress that the body thinks means that your in danger "the fight or flight reflex".
The important thing to understand is that you should not give it more meaning then it has which is NONE.
Next time he waves that sigh at you wave one of your own back at him using the middle finger....by the way this twit sounds like he may be a little N-U-T-S. (EXCUSE THE PUN little nuts....ha ha ha
Be well
Free
Hi Ivy,
Thank you for replying. I think you are right about a lot of things.
<< Did you allow yourself to feel hurt, betrayal, and grief? It sounds a bit like you took the high road where you weren't going to grieve for this jerk. As confident as that sounds, you may have not dealt with all the emotions associated with the end of the A and they are threatening to come bubbling to the surface at any time. >>
I feel like I DID grieve, way back in Nov when his W found out the 1st time. Thing is, we still remained in contact because we thought we could at least be friends. For a long time I still believed that until all this crap happened with the 2nd d-day. Now I know better, and yes, I refuse to grieve it all over again. So you might be right about where my emotional freak out came in yesterday. I might have those once in a while since I won't "grieve" for him correctly. I guess to me, it's worth it. I won't shed another tear over him even if I want to. (I'm stubborn :) )
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You have NO idea how correct this statement is!! I've never met a bigger coward in my life!! It's one thing to hate confrontation but he's downright spineless. (Free and I have lots of "nutless" nicknames for him.)I told him he's a puppet. Everyone rules him but him. What a man!!!
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I still believe this too, it's just so hard for me to understand why his W doesn't see it that way. Denial!! (don't know why that bugs me either!)
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Yes, I'm single, and wanting to date. There is someone I have my eye on, but it hasn't progressed as of yet! I'll keep you posted!!
Good luck with your own situation, Ivy! I hope things are going well for you!
PAL
Hello Free. Thanks for rescuing me from my emotions again!
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That is good to know, though discouraging to think I will still be thinking about him in 15 years!!
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And I'm not going to give it another thought. I feel back to normal this morning. (That is until I see him pass by again in a few minutes. )
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You are so funny! I knew there was a reason I like to confide in you! Thanks again!!!
Pal