The Freudian Id

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
The Freudian Id
4
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 12:32pm
Hello all, again, and thanks so much to those who responded to my post earlier this week. I've been having a really, really difficult time not obsessing and compulsing about XMM, not contacting him, not romanticizing our A, etc.

So last night I had trigger finger on the darned cell phone, and instead of shooting a text message out to XMM, I called a really good friend of mine and told her that out of nowhere I was back to obsessing and compulsing over the XMM. (She's an AWESOME friend, she stayed on the phone with me until about midnight when I was sure I'd brush my teeth and go straight to sleep!!) Anyway, we talked about what was triggering these wonderful ideas, and we kind of settled into this discussion about my XMM being my "playfriend." If any of you had psych in college, Freud had this theory that we all have an "id" in our personality (many days mine is dominant!!). The Id just wants to have fun. No responsibilities, no work, no worries - just FUN! And when I got together with the XMM, that was it! We had fun! Nothing but fun! We weren't raising kids together, we weren't paying bills together, we weren't taking care of a house together - just coming together for nice romantic dinners and mind-blowing sex! Honestly, who WOULDN'T want this kind of escape??!!

So to take this entire analysis one step further, let's get to the VOID (all who know me know my posts ALWAYS address the "void")! Anyway, it seems reasonable that without XMM, I've lost my "playmate" and I don't have anyone, or anywhere, to just PLAY; i.e. have fun. My life is full of incredibly stressful responsibilities, and I'm certain the complete and total lack of any responsibility imposed by XMM, and those hours we stole away from real life, were an excellent outlet for my need to PLAY and have FUN!

I guess the answer to my struggle this week is to create some FUN for myself!, which I have to confess isnt' easy for me. I have a very difficult time letting my hair down, so to speak (don't even suggest it, I'm a recovering alcoholic!). I'm going to give this alot of thought, but if anyone has any suggestions for things to do when they want to have some bigtime FUN (I don't mean pampering, I mean FUN, belly laughs, and all that stuff) please let me know.

And on a final note, my DH and DS are going away for the weekend. UGH!!!!!! What horrible timing! I know its not DH's job to watch out for me and intervene whenever I decide I need a little excitement in my life, I just wish he was going to be around until I get over this little bump in my recovery.

Thanks to you all for listening, and sorry this got a little bit long! Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 1:12pm
Mo,

Invite that good friend over when DH and DS are gone for a sleepover! It sounds ridiculous, but my best friend comes over when I feel weak and my H is out of town and we watch crappy, funny movies, listen to music from our high school days and dance around like idiots. I could never act like that in front of anyone else, and it feels great to be 16 again. :) We gossip about everyone we know and just have a good time.
Love,

Lily
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 2:05pm
Hi Mo,

Sorry to hear you are having a bump in the road to recovery. But remember its just a speed bump. It may slow you down initially but once you ride over it, your back to full speed ahead.

I think Lily's post is perfect. Funny, reading your post I thought the same thing. Why not have a "girls sleep over pajama party". Rent movies, play games, laugh, silly stuff. But stuff to keep your mind off things. If not there is always bungy jumping. :)

YOU ARE STRONG! You may not feel it when you get this "yucky" kinda feeling but look how far you have gotten with not only xOM but everything else in your life. Keep it in perspective...the emotions are being triggered by the weather changes. Can you plan maybe a road trip with the girls? That could be fun too. There is always lots of adventure in that kind of quick planning and the driving, good music, good company with new adventure could have you getting that kind of "escape fun" that will make you feel good.

STAY STRONG CUZ' YOU KNOW YOU ARE!!!!!!! You always give me strength from your awesome, genuine and heart felt posts.

xo!!

Dipss

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 9:57am
I'm with Lily-Get together with 1 or more of your friends and rent a "chick flick"-something your H. would never want to watch. I've noticed over the past 2 weeks, that the few times I didn't think about OM. and felt like I was actually having fun, I was in the company of other women. Even though they didn't know what's going on with me, we were laughing and talking and I was able to FORGET-what a relief!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 1:03am
OH MY GAWD, MO! I think your ID and my ID are the same darned ID. Did I write that post in my sleep?

I think I have actually written those exact same words in my journal before...how I feel the reason my XMM and I got along so well was because when we were together, it was all about us. We didn't have any of that baggage or pressures or stresses that we each had with our respective spouses...didn't have 10 or 15 years of history and fights and crap...we just had so much fun together! One time I asked him what in the world we would ever fight about if we were 'together', as in out in the open, out of the closet, so to speak. Turns out, the only thing we had to fight about was the fact that we didn't have time to be together, and all of our playdates kept getting cancelled and put off until there was more time.

I think everything you said was absolutely right on, and there's a huge part of me that wishes I didn't have all that baggage and history with my own husband, so I could start over after 15 years. Somebody erase my brain and give me a do-over.

So what have I done to replace the void left by my playmate? Well, I admit, I drink a lot more. You're not going to do that. I rent lots of movies, because my husband's out of town a lot. And I try to spend as much time as I can doing fun stuff...taking my child out to dinner and to see live music, going to the theatre, volunteering for lots of different non-profit benefit events and things like that, and reading.

I miss my playmate, because he made me laugh and made me feel sexy and desired, and he misses me, but c'est la vie. You can't have everything.