Friend now in A....need advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2009
Friend now in A....need advice.
4
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 7:05pm

I don't know if this topic has been covered before on here so forgive me if it has and I missed it.

Some of you know me and some don't

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 7:19pm
Kristin
I don't know you, but I do know your situation and I will say - you need to decide what is best for you. You can say to her, I respect your decision to make your own choices in that realtionship, but I also choose to not have any part of it. You know the history that I went through, and while I love you, I will not condone your behavior or say that it's okay.

True friends will be able to separate it out. However, reality being what it is - you understand the fog she is in and you may have to choose to distance yourself on purpose until it ends. Be strong to what you know is healthy for you. Don't allow her toxicity to boil into your life.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 7:24pm

Hi Kristen,

Congratulations on your 1 year anniversary coming up!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 7:38pm
Hi Kristin,

I am also experiencing a similar situation with a family member. I am only four months out and the trigger I felt was an immense feeling of reliving some very bad moments of the A. I shared my pain and EAS and I don't know what impact it has made. I will be a support if and when I am needed, at this time the person has shut theirselves off from me. I think we can only offer realistic support but at the same time keep removed from the situation as well which might not make sense but this is something they will need to face up too on their own if they choose and continue this path. We don't want anyone else to feel this pain of an A and we might wish to take the pain that surely is coming away from them but at what cost to ourselves. I wish I had something concrete to give you to help, I do see some of my behaviours mirrowed back to me from this person and it has given me more questions and reflections. Keep strong Kristin, pulling back at this time maybe the only thing you can do to keep yourself safe:)



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2009
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 9:23pm

Thank you guys for your advice.

I am going to talk to her about it tonight and I think we are both going to be relieved not to be discussing it anymore. It has been a source of tension for both of us for the past week and a half. I know it is best for me right now to remove myself from that part of her life and it is best for her to figure out what she is doing on her own.