It sounds like you have been through quite a lot. I'm glad you are here and I hope you decide to truly end things with your AP - you will get a lot of support from everyone.
Unfortunately you'll find that there really isn't a way to heal yourself and still be "friends" with your AP. First, if what you say is true, that "you both truly care about and love each other", then he would leave his W. I'm assuming since you are facing NC, that he has either told you he's not leaving her, or you have figured that out. Either way, you need to step back from all men right now, and focus on you and only you. I'm only 5 weeks out of a 7.5 year long A with a man that was very controlling and emotionally abusive. It's very hard to turn the focus on yourself and do what you need to do to heal. But every day that goes by, you will get a little stronger.
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It sounds like this was a blessing, so don't think of it as a tragedy. You have everything to gain from this situation Wildflower - you are single, you don't have any children. You have a wonderful life waiting for you.
The reason a friendship doesn't work is because no matter how determined you are to keep things platonic, past history will seep in on the conversations, thus weakening the "just friends" foundation. Talk will drift back to things once said, time once shared, etc. and we call this a continuation of the A only
Located on the top left side of this forum it says, "About this community." The board guidelines are in there if you click on the link. I did not write them. The Community Moderator of the Love boards wrote it.
No, remaining friends is not an option. Ending an affair means cutting off all communication with the AP, and moving on with your life. I would encourage you to at least lurk here and read the posts as often as you can.
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Welcome (((Wildflower)))
It sounds like you have been through quite a lot. I'm glad you are here and I hope you decide to truly end things with your AP - you will get a lot of support from everyone.
Unfortunately you'll find that there really isn't a way to heal yourself and still be "friends" with your AP. First, if what you say is true, that "you both truly care about and love each other", then he would leave his W. I'm assuming since you are facing NC, that he has either told you he's not leaving her, or you have figured that out. Either way, you need to step back from all men right now, and focus on you and only you. I'm only 5 weeks out of a 7.5 year long A with a man that was very controlling and emotionally abusive. It's very hard to turn the focus on yourself and do what you need to do to heal. But every day that goes by, you will get a little stronger.
<<>>
It sounds like this was a blessing, so don't think of it as a tragedy. You have everything to gain from this situation Wildflower - you are single, you don't have any children. You have a wonderful life waiting for you.
Bodhi
Hi Wildflower
It's a good question that you ask.
WF, welcome to endings. The weekends are very quiet so don't be disappointed if you don't get many responses.
~Iddy~
Hi Bodhi
Hi
Hi Iddy -
Thanks for all of your advice.
Hi Iddy -
Just one other thought in reply to your comment:
"Sure, MM was there for you, but that means he "wasn't" there for his W and family
WF,
The reason a friendship doesn't work is because no matter how determined you are to keep things platonic, past history will seep in on the conversations, thus weakening the "just friends" foundation. Talk will drift back to things once said, time once shared, etc. and we call this a continuation of the A only
~Iddy~
Hi again, Iddy -
Please accept my apology for the long message to follow, but I plan for it to be my last and I want to hopefully explain some things.
Located on the top left side of this forum it says, "About this community." The board guidelines are in there if you click on the link. I did not write them. The Community Moderator of the Love boards wrote it.
No, remaining friends is not an option. Ending an affair means cutting off all communication with the AP, and moving on with your life. I would encourage you to at least lurk here and read the posts as often as you can.
Wishing you well,
~Iddy~
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