Friends for 13 yrs. NC the only option?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2010
Friends for 13 yrs. NC the only option?
28
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 12:54am

Hi... I'm new here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 10:36am

Welcome (((Wildflower)))

It sounds like you have been through quite a lot. I'm glad you are here and I hope you decide to truly end things with your AP - you will get a lot of support from everyone.

Unfortunately you'll find that there really isn't a way to heal yourself and still be "friends" with your AP. First, if what you say is true, that "you both truly care about and love each other", then he would leave his W. I'm assuming since you are facing NC, that he has either told you he's not leaving her, or you have figured that out. Either way, you need to step back from all men right now, and focus on you and only you. I'm only 5 weeks out of a 7.5 year long A with a man that was very controlling and emotionally abusive. It's very hard to turn the focus on yourself and do what you need to do to heal. But every day that goes by, you will get a little stronger.

<<>>

It sounds like this was a blessing, so don't think of it as a tragedy. You have everything to gain from this situation Wildflower - you are single, you don't have any children. You have a wonderful life waiting for you.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 10:56am

Hi Wildflower


It's a good question that you ask.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 11:19am

WF, welcome to endings. The weekends are very quiet so don't be disappointed if you don't get many responses.


   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2010
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 12:54pm

Hi Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2010
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 1:11pm

Hi

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2010
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 1:19pm

Hi Iddy -


Thanks for all of your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2010
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 2:03pm

Hi Iddy -


Just one other thought in reply to your comment:


"Sure, MM was there for you, but that means he "wasn't" there for his W and family

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 2:52pm

WF,


The reason a friendship doesn't work is because no matter how determined you are to keep things platonic, past history will seep in on the conversations, thus weakening the "just friends" foundation. Talk will drift back to things once said, time once shared, etc. and we call this a continuation of the A only

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2010
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 9:46pm

Hi again, Iddy -


Please accept my apology for the long message to follow, but I plan for it to be my last and I want to hopefully explain some things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 7:26am

Located on the top left side of this forum it says, "About this community." The board guidelines are in there if you click on the link. I did not write them. The Community Moderator of the Love boards wrote it.


No, remaining friends is not an option. Ending an affair means cutting off all communication with the AP, and moving on with your life. I would encourage you to at least lurk here and read the posts as often as you can.


Wishing you well,

   ~Iddy~ 


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