friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
friends
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 11:32pm
I again wanted to thank y'all for all the support. I think we may be able to have the friendship work. As I said I spoke with him on Thursday- it was a short but nice conversation. He emailed me this morning. He just wanted to wish me a happy 4th and to let me know some of the things that are going on with him.

I think the hardest part for me is to keep it purely friends. Part of me wants to ask him all the questions I did not get answers for-- but I know I chose not to ask them when I saw him 3 weeks ago. It was my choice and I just felt like being friends was more important than understanding what happened. I did not think he would be able to give me any answers so pressuring him would not help me or him.

It is hard not to think that the last 3 months of my life have been so stressful...ending a marriage is always difficult. I felt so out of control at times-- panicked in a sense. Was I doing the right thing for the right reasons...For years I had been thinking of how I would survive in a loveless marriage rather than how to live my life and truly be happy if that makes any sense. My H is a good person and a good father- but we just are not happy together. So it was really difficult for me to give up on that M. Most of my friends are sad as we are both good people.

I am still going through so much right now-- and I do not want or need my X to help me through the D. I know he wants to be there for me, but I do not need that from him. I need to do that on my own. Losing our relationship in all has been incredibly painful...but knowing that we both want to work at the friendship makes things easier to bear.

Is it OK to still wish things were different?? When does that feeling go away???

tb