Lets get real the only real relationship you ever had with Xap was ADULTERY NOT friends and that is all he is interested in now HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND get real girl.
IF your husband were to do this would you be ok with him hanging out or otherwise having anything to do with the Other woman ?????
Stop focusing on the XAHole and start working on fixing what has gone wrong in you that allowed you to think it was alright to F#$k around on your husband.
JMHO
Free
PS to answer your question TOTAL NO CONTACT ever no RESPONSE to his fishing for sex e-mails texts phone calls EVER for any reason ...don't be rude to your husband by responding.
Mfreenow nailed it. As a matter of fact, she was my CL back in the day and had a great influence on me when I tried to bargain with the devil as you are doing. FWB or not, it was an A, and you are wrong to think that that this type of an A is not as common as one where emotions are involved. I've been on this board for 6 years now and have seen many FWB arrangements.
The thing is, women usually do get involved whether they want to or not. Maybe you haven't, maybe not, but as Free said, A doesn't just stand for Affair but for Adultery too.
Ignore his text. Continue on the path that you are on and don't let that junky mind thinking mess up your 45 days. Be proud as to how far you have come. You've given some good support on this board and I would hate to see you lose your credibility. We are all rooting for you.
I came on today because of replies to my post but only having a couple of minutes I thought my time would be best used responding to your post and a few others. I want to congratulate you on 45 days NC!!! I meant to mention your achievement in my reply yesterday. Also changing your moniker to post here was not duplicitous at all. Many do when they are ending so they have a fresh start especially if monikers were A related.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
I'm afraid E1 has gotten a little over zealous about you geting your wings. You are 1/2 way there and have another 45 days to go or whatever date marks three full months. At any rate, we all want to see you in TweenerVille and I have a set of wings with your name on them.
As a sidenote, many of us were "just friends" with our XAPs before we crossed the line, myself included. There is no going back to friendship status once we have erased that line in the sand due to our own selfishness. It's just another price we pay for playing with fire.
I have written here on a few occassions about my "A" not sounding like everyone elses because of this very thing. My A was a PA only...there were certainly no loving words shared, no soulmate thoughts, no affectionate gestures or weekends stolen away. I was embarrassed to admit this since it made me feel like I had risked everything in my life for so very LITTLE compared to everyone else. This A went on for 7 years, 5 of which were a PA. It was all about S and nothing more...FOR HIM! If it were not more than that for us... we would probably not be here. We became emotionally involved whether we wanted to or not. Women are wired differently than men and after this long with someone, feelings will get in the way of what we were trying to think was only "S". It took we about 4 years before I could even think I was having an A. It didn't sound like a "normal" one, if there is such a thing!!!!!! He is a friend of H and unfortunately will always creep in my life at some point (not close friends...more close acquaintances)
I have long since realized that is doesn't matter about the dynamics of the A... it was one regardless. NC is the only way to prevent this mess from happening all over again. If you believe you can go back to being friends and just comitt to not having S with him....well before this started you were friends with him NOT having S. So.... NC because that is the ONLY way to prevent it from happening again. I feel your pain Panda...I really do.
Sigh. My xap was my best friend before we crossed the line and one of the things I struggle with, even at 137 days out, is the loss of my friend. But what I have to realize is that as soon as we crossed that line, everything changed and we can never go back to being just friends. The advice to look at this from your H's perspective is a good . My H knows all about my A, so that really keeps me accountable. If I were to communicate with xap, my M would be over. He has made it clear that he can't go through what he did earlier this year again. It would break him and I just can't do that to him. So, as much as I want to just say "hello" to xap and be "friends" with him, it's just not possible. I have too much to lose now. And, throughout my life I've come to realize that people come and go all the time... it's time to let xap go.
Panda
Lets get real the only real relationship you ever had with Xap was ADULTERY NOT friends and that is all he is interested in now HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND get real girl.
IF your husband were to do this would you be ok with him hanging out or otherwise having anything to do with the Other woman ?????
Stop focusing on the XAHole and start working on fixing what has gone wrong in you that allowed you to think it was alright to F#$k around on your husband.
JMHO
Free
PS to answer your question TOTAL NO CONTACT ever no RESPONSE to his fishing for sex e-mails texts phone calls EVER for any reason ...don't be rude to your husband by responding.
End the BS once and for all.
Panda,
Mfreenow nailed it. As a matter of fact, she was my CL back in the day and had a great influence on me when I tried to bargain with the devil as you are doing. FWB or not, it was an A, and you are wrong to think that that this type of an A is not as common as one where emotions are involved. I've been on this board for 6 years now and have seen many FWB arrangements.
The thing is, women usually do get involved whether they want to or not. Maybe you haven't, maybe not, but as Free said, A doesn't just stand for Affair but for Adultery too.
Ignore his text. Continue on the path that you are on and don't let that junky mind thinking mess up your 45 days. Be proud as to how far you have come. You've given some good support on this board and I would hate to see you lose your credibility. We are all rooting for you.
(((Hugs)))
~Iddy~
Panda,
I came on today because of replies to my post but only having a couple of minutes I thought my time would be best used responding to your post and a few others. I want to congratulate you on 45 days NC!!! I meant to mention your achievement in my reply yesterday. Also changing your moniker to post here was not duplicitous at all. Many do when they are ending so they have a fresh start especially if monikers were A related.
This might look a bit familiar:
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Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
I'm afraid E1 has gotten a little over zealous about you geting your wings. You are 1/2 way there and have another 45 days to go or whatever date marks three full months. At any rate, we all want to see you in TweenerVille and I have a set of wings with your name on them.
As a sidenote, many of us were "just friends" with our XAPs before we crossed the line, myself included. There is no going back to friendship status once we have erased that line in the sand due to our own selfishness. It's just another price we pay for playing with fire.
Stay strong and stay focused, my friend.
((Hugs))
~Iddy~
Hi panda,
I have written here on a few occassions about my "A" not sounding like everyone elses because of this very thing. My A was a PA only...there were certainly no loving words shared, no soulmate thoughts, no affectionate gestures or weekends stolen away. I was embarrassed to admit this since it made me feel like I had risked everything in my life for so very LITTLE compared to everyone else. This A went on for 7 years, 5 of which were a PA. It was all about S and nothing more...FOR HIM! If it were not more than that for us... we would probably not be here. We became emotionally involved whether we wanted to or not. Women are wired differently than men and after this long with someone, feelings will get in the way of what we were trying to think was only "S". It took we about 4 years before I could even think I was having an A. It didn't sound like a "normal" one, if there is such a thing!!!!!! He is a friend of H and unfortunately will always creep in my life at some point (not close friends...more close acquaintances)
I have long since realized that is doesn't matter about the dynamics of the A... it was one regardless. NC is the only way to prevent this mess from happening all over again. If you believe you can go back to being friends and just comitt to not having S with him....well before this started you were friends with him NOT having S. So.... NC because that is the ONLY way to prevent it from happening again. I feel your pain Panda...I really do.
Free – I appreciate your input.
Hi Panda-
Sigh. My xap was my best friend before we crossed the line and one of the things I struggle with, even at 137 days out, is the loss of my friend. But what I have to realize is that as soon as we crossed that line, everything changed and we can never go back to being just friends. The advice to look at this from your H's perspective is a good . My H knows all about my A, so that really keeps me accountable. If I were to communicate with xap, my M would be over. He has made it clear that he can't go through what he did earlier this year again. It would break him and I just can't do that to him. So, as much as I want to just say "hello" to xap and be "friends" with him, it's just not possible. I have too much to lose now. And, throughout my life I've come to realize that people come and go all the time... it's time to let xap go.
I hope you are doing well today.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
I just wanted to add that my xAP and I were also friends.