friends or NC

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
friends or NC
1
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 1:47pm
All the smart thoughts point towards No Contact, but I had thought to myself that if my MM had handled things differently I'd have been able to stay friends with him. (Meaning we'd just email hello and how are things going, when we could).
Problem is, my MM made so many promises that he could never keep. IF he hadn't made those promises over and over..and hadn't bailed out on them over and over..I'd have been able to handle a friendship. Contact would be limited anyway because we are six hours apart.
And he has no time for much contact. But our real time intimacy--is very limited..because he has had a problem with the actual coming through in meeting me halfway for the day. We have done this a couple times (met halfway for a full day), as well as seen one another if he was in town for a family thing. But MOST of these four years he would say "I can't wait to see you, we're going to have to come up with a time to meet"..we'd set a time..and he'd back out OR he'd never settle on a date. This stems from a) his fear of his W finding out.. and b) his job is a business he owns- and he throws himself into it from head to toe, much of the time and can't "get away".. so there would be these weeks of less contact and "Oh i have too much on my plate" right now. Which after four years worth, makes a person want to stomp on his "Full plate" and tell him to either be willing to put a small amount of effort into this or just leave me alone.. and here I am again..thinking through the friendship part as if I can't live without some tiny bit of contact from him..which is baloney. But its my addiction talking..and my 'addiction' that starts thinking "Well maybe we could stay friends if he just stops promising things and just emails me only on occasion?"...i'm already bargaining with my inner self about it..as if I can't just shut the door and walk away.. sigh.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: lealavendar
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 2:02pm

Lea

If you want to move forward in life then TOTAL NO CONTACT is the way to go, contact AKA "FRINDSHIP" just keeps returning you to square one over and over again.

Free