Find a Conversation
|Tue, 04-01-2003 - 3:45pm|
Anyway, today... again had another long heart to heart talk... He asked me how I'm doing, how I'm "really" doing, how things are at home... and he talked about his stuff at home and how much he wants to leave his W, but he's trying to, for once, NOT be impulsive about a big decision... It really seems like we've reached a point now where he's not trying to get me back, not flirting at all... we're not mad at each other anymore - I think we both finally see each other honestly for who and what we are... all too human in so many ways... no games going on here that I am aware of, which is a nice change...
So I'm wondering... I know NC is the best way to get over an EMA. And I do know that I'm hardly claiming to be 100% healed emotionally... and last week I felt so torn up after our talk. But today, I don't know... it felt like two good friends supporting each other. It didn't feel inappropriate... And I don't feel all torn up inside by it. I think I am one of the few, if only, people he could possibly talk to about his feelings - and yes, that is because of our "history" and because he knows that I won't betray him (call his W or anything) or be shocked that he had an EMA (or should I say EMA's)... And in a similar way, he understands more than many would, what I am going through now and he is truly honestly happy for me that I'm working on my marriage and that I realized I belong with my H.
Is it possible to reach that point where you can be supportive friends but NOT fall back into anything physical or even just inappropriate? I am not talking about having an emotional affair - not at all what this is about... but I will always have some kind of connection with him because of what we shared and what it meant to me. So can I be a friend to him when he needs one? This is a man who does NOT openly share or admit any feeling or weakness - he tries to be tough and keep everything inside and tell everyone he's just fine no matter what... but I know that is just his cover - true of so many men... Can we become friends? I did talk a little to my therapist about this, and she felt that, as long as I didn't feel like it was drawing me back in, there is no reason we can't talk and be supportive of each other. That's the big IF though - IF it doesn't cause me pain or draw me back in. Right now I think that might be possible... so this is the place for me to ask since I'm sure many of you have tried friendship... given time, can it ever work as friends?