Frustrated-Can't stop thinking about him
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| Mon, 08-23-2004 - 3:52pm |
I'm willing to let him go because I think we both grow weary of the drama of me always being scared to death when we get together. I ruin it for us. My problem is that I still think about him every day. Most often at night before I go to bed and the moment I wake up. Also, several times during the day if I become lonely. Mostly I miss the feeling of excitement I have around him. You know...that "new love" feeling. It is something I never even knew was missing from my life until I met him. Now I miss it and fear that I will never experience it again.
I know it is easier for him to move on. Sure, he might remember me from time to time and a few nice moments we shared together. But, if he gets lonely, there is always a new romance waiting around the corner. It seems he always has several going at once. I, on the other hand, have no one else to turn to except for H. While I enjoy being with H, I just can't seem to shake wanting to be with OM.

It seems to me that this is going one of two ways,... either you really have no feelings for your OM other than sexual attraction, or you do and somewhere in your heart, you know its best to let him go.
My questions to you are this..
What is going on in the Marriage that will not allow you to focus some of this energy on making it work? I didnt hear you say much of anything about your H that would lead me to believe that it isnt worth working it out. I do not bash people in A's, however, I will suggest that if the marriage can be saved, then by all means focus on that.
Next, What exactly is it that you got from this OM that is making it so hard to let him go? Not that you didnt get anything from him, or that you have no right to feel this way, just sometimes when you REALLY sit and think about it, you are able to answer your own questions and never realized that the answers were all right inside of you.
Letting him have a normal life was a very noble thing that you did. Getting involved back in his life now after he is moving on would be nothing more than a disaster. For both of you. Just take some time to see what you can make happen with your H, see if you can find that spark again... at least the energy you spend on that will be well worth it. Then if the M doesnt work, focus on moving on with YOUR life so that you can find something Normal as well.
Best wishes hun.
H2H