Full disclosure

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2009
Full disclosure
7
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 12:04pm

Welp...I did it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2009
In reply to: mwjbto
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 12:12pm
And you know what?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
In reply to: mwjbto
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 12:13pm

Wow. I have so many questions.
Did you get counseling before you disclosed all to your H? If so, was full disclosure advised?

Did you feel like your H needed to know the whole truth because then he could make up his mind whether or not to stay with you?

Is your husband glad he knows all now, or does he wish you'd kept it to yourself?

Do you and/or he feel you were being heroic or selfish to unburden your secret?

What have you and H decided to do now? what is the next step?

Full disclosure is a big deal and there are a lot of women here who have done it, with differing results. I hope you and your H are one of the lucky ones who can weather the storm. My best thoughts are with you both.

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2009
In reply to: mwjbto
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 12:31pm

Ugh!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
In reply to: mwjbto
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 3:35pm

Hi mwjbto-


I too have full disclosure with my H, because of 3 DDays, but I have found that being honest with him about everything has really helped our M. I am sure he wishes sometimes that he did not know because it's been very painful for him, but he does know, we are dealing with it and things will be ok.


So much of what you wrote sounds like me

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
In reply to: mwjbto
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 3:41pm
Hi, mwj. Time, NC, self-discovery, and communication with your H. He may need to work on some issues, too. That's what it takes to restore feelings of love for your DH. Also, reading about the differences on how men and women communicate, how to meet each other's needs, the phases of long term relationships (A's give us that euphoric, addictive feeling of "falling in love" but no couple remains in that phase forever), and how to build/maintain a long-term relationship may also help. Talking and talking with your DH. Forgiving yourself and working on why you had the A in the first place. My DH is working on his issues that contributed to my A. Time and NC gets the process started and then you heal grow by yourself and as a couple from there. Really, really, look into your marriage and discover what happened. Don't expect too much from yourself the first few weeks of NC as your thoughts are still with your xAP. This is normal. We initiate NC so that the storm in our heads can subside, allowing the sunshine to illuminate the journey to healing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
In reply to: mwjbto
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 7:53pm

Hello,

I too have full disclosure with my H. I disclosed the beginning of our A on day one - and we worked with that knowledge until my H couldn't take the distance between us any longer. He could no longer handle my body being present, but my mind a million miles away. I have shared everything and anything he has wanted to know - which actually isn't much. He isn't the kind to want to process all the details - he hasn't obsessed or sought deeper meaning in the A. He hasn't made this about him or his own inadequacies and rightfully so. He doesn't live with us, but he is here daily. I still share all the ups and downs of LC, and he has great insight and offers amazing support. I don't know that we will reconcile - and I am finally okay with that. The things that remain between my H and I are the things that I need: Love, support & unshakable friendship. I do know for me, him knowing all of me is important. If this had gone on in his life; I wouldn't have wanted disclosure - but I knew he needed otherwise to feel safe.

That's how we roll ...

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
In reply to: mwjbto
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 9:10am

Good Morning....


There is only one way to fully get over XAP....