Hey Fulloflove. I am glad you posted back. I definitely want to keep in touch with you because your story is so close to mine. I have been reading all of your posts. I hope that my OM is doing like you are doing. I hope that he is patiently watching me to see how I handle things. I hope that when this is over that he wants to be with me. He is acting a lot like you. We work together and he is keeping a big distance from me right now, more so than normal. When he does have to talk to me, he is keeping it strictly business. He asked me a couple of months ago if my divorce was final yet and I said "no". He changed the subject very quickly and went back to discussing business. I tried to talk to him about my divorce and he told me that he didn't want to get involved. It pissed me off royally at the time, but now I understand his reasons for not wanting to hear about it after I read how you feel about it. After my husband found out about our past EMA last month, he called OM and threatened to beat him up. OM was very attentive to me for a couple of weeks. I say attentive, the best that he could be in a work environment. Now that I am doing better with the divorce proceedings, he has started to distance himself from me again. He goes back and forth like this all of the time. Some days he comes around me quite a bit and other days he is very distant. I guess I will know his true feelings/intentions when this is all over with. My divorce will probably be final within a couple of weeks. Has your MM filed yet? Please post back to me, any thoughts that you might have about my situation.
Hi Fulloflove. Let me tell you from experience what is probably going through your MM's head and the emotions that he is experiencing. I started telling my OM a year ago that I would leave my marriage to be with him. I wanted to so badly, but I was also very afraid. I have been married for so long, 24 years, and I had a very nice life. I had never been out on my own and I had always had someone to fall back on. I was very afraid to be out there on my own, plus, there is no guarantee that things would work out with OM. My OM never asked me to leave my marriage and he never would. He has been through this once before. His last affair partner left her husband and married OM and then she ended up leaving him for another man. So OM got burned very badly. This is why I know that he would never ask me to leave my marriage. If I did it, he wanted me to do it on my own, not to be influenced by him. This way if it didn't work out between us, I can't come back later and blame him for it, like his last wife did. Anyway, all the time that I was telling OM that I would leave to be with him, I actually wasn't making any moves. I was content knowing that he wasn't dating anyone, all the while I was telling him that I would leave. I was basicly stringing him along until I decided that I was ready to leave. What made me finally take action is when OM started to date and he started dating one girl as his steady. He even let her drive his car because hers was broken down. I had to pass her every morning in his car. It really started to get to me. I knew that he had no intentions of breaking up with her and sit at home and wait for me. After a few months of watching him date her and letting her dirve his car, I decided that I better do something. I waited until after school started and I got my two older boys in college and my younger one is a senior in high school. After I got them settled in school, I went and found a house and I moved that following weekend. Once I made up my mind, all of the fear seemed to disappear. I have been out there on my own for about 2 months now. The hardest part for me is my kids. I miss living with them. They wanted to stay with their dad. They are all boys and are 18, 19, and 20 years old, so I had to let them live where they wanted to. I went the next week and filed for divorce. When I told OM, he didn't believe me. I even showed him copies of the divorce papers that I filed. He still didn't believe me. What made him finally believe me was when my husband called him and told him that he knew about our past EMA and that he would beat him up. OM was very surprised and I just knew that he would get mad at me and never speak to me again because I admitted to my husband about the EMA. But OM never got mad at me. He was very good about it all. He was very attentive to me at first when I was so down. He would try to cheer me up and talk to me, the best that he could in a work environment without people starting rumors. Now he has really started to pull away the last couple of weeks. My divorce will be final just any time now. I am just waiting on my attorney to get another court date with the judge. I am very concerned about OM's behavior. We have not had any discussions about my divorce. He wants to stay out of it. But he would still come around me at work enough to cheer me up. Now he is pulling away. I have barely seen him the last couple of weeks and I know that I am not imaigning things. I know him so well. He knows that the divorce is almost over with. I did tell him that much. I wonder now if he is getting scared that I won't go throug with it, or if maybe his emotions are getting screwy on him. He hides things. He always hides his emotions from other people, but he has always been able to talk to me when we were alone. Since we are in NC, other than work, I don;t know what to think of his behavior. Why is he pulling away now? Anyway, back to you. I am sure that your MM probably wants to leave very badly, but I imagine leaving his kids is giving him a lot of grief. He knows that he can't take them with him, so he is probably very conflicted about leaving them. If your relationship is as good as you say, then I am sure that your MM loves you, he is just conflicted about the kids. He also knows that you are waiting for him and he can take his time. I am not saying that he is stringing you along, but knowing that you are waiting is buying him some time. Take my advice here since I just went through it. Start dating other people. Don't just tell your MM that you are dating. He needs to see you out with someone else. Even if you just date someone as a friend, your MM needs to see that you are moving on with your life. Believe me, if he loves you and wants you, once he sees you out living your life, he will make those changes that he needs to make to be with you. I really think that you need to do this. Now, as I am sitting here typing this to you, my husband just called and said that the judge just signed our divorce papers. All of a sudden I have the strangest feeling. My thoughts are flying back and forth between my husband and OM. I know now that I am going to need some time to grieve before I date any man. I am not even going to tell OM that it is final. He can see it in the newspaper. Post back to me if you get a chance.
Fulloflove, Try to hang in there and don't be so frustrated. I know its hard. Keep your chin up and hopefully your MM will come around. I am wondering now what will happen with my OM. He was not at work today, of all days, so he does not know that I am divorced. He took the day off. I am not going to tell him that I am divorced. I will wait and let him see it in the newspaper. That way, if he wants to pursue me, he knows how to find me. I wouldn't feel right going to him and telling him that I am divorced and expecting him to start a relationship. I don't want to scare him off. Also, he has a girlfriend and I wouldn't go out with him anyway until he breaks up with her. I will just sit back and wait and see how he reacts once he knows that I am available. I know that I still have a lot of emotions to work through, but I also know in my heart that OM is the one for me. I love him very, very much. I am sad, scared, excited, and nervous about my new life. I know that I will be okay one way or the other. Please keep posting.
Hi, thanks for asking.
Hey Southerngirl I was just reading cl-NRE's posts to a couple of people and they made me realize that I need to have continued
I want to say that I never asked him to leave.
"I know that I will be okay one way or the other."
Keep saying this to yourself over and over.