Further awareness

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Further awareness
12
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 8:03pm
Hi everyone,

I am not going to make this post about stopping smoking because it's not the place for it:) When I stopped on Wednesday I had a difficult day with alot of doubt about myself in almost every area of my life, my thoughts were all over the place. On my way home to meet a friend of my cousins who has been an additional support to me I was near tears in frusteration. I came to the board and read Bodhis Zensday post and took comfort in her post. Today I realized a little more clearly the challenges I will be facing and I will have setbacks and I realized I need to build on better coping skills, to really work extra hard so that I can pick myself up and aknowledge what I am feeling and really understand without hiding from a scary feeling. Fear I believe in general is what I wrapped mysel up in to avoid life. I am off to the gym to work of some jittery nerves!

Have a nice evening and Happy upcoming Friday!

p.s. Heartsofsix have a very special Happy Birthday tomorrow :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Fri, 11-05-2010 - 10:24am

Jen -

<<<>>>

This is a great revelation for you! And for you to acknowledge that you need to develop coping skills to deal with everything is a huge step in the right direction. You can look at fear in a healthy way or an unhealthy way. Take your smoking - the fear of dying of lung cancer is a healthy fear, it will give you the willpower to quit. You have control over that - you CAN choose to never pick up another cigarette. If you ignore the dangers of cancer, you will continue to continue to create future suffering - living in denial, etc. and effectively giving up control.

Look at ending your A the same way. An affair in itself is such an "uncontrollable" existence. But you have control over stopping it. Just like you have the choice to not pick up another cigarette, you have the choice to not break NC. Let healthy fear propel you forward - the healthy fear of never having a real relationship (for us single gals!) or the healthy fear of facing a d-day if you are married.

Working out to calm those jittery nerves is the best thing you can do - you should be proud of that decision. Keep it up :)

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Fri, 11-05-2010 - 10:51am

Jen, I am so proud of you! I know quitting smoking is the freakin hardest thing to do. Maybe even more difficult than getting over xAP!!! Keep me updated on your progress and what kind of coping skills you are using. I am *almost* to the mental stage necessary to give up that nasty habit, too. ... But not quite yet.:smileymad:

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Fri, 11-05-2010 - 12:00pm

The not-smoking thing is such a positive step!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Fri, 11-05-2010 - 7:55pm
Thank you Bodhi for the encouragement! I am getting a better understanding of when I make choices over excuses, which I admit I only made excuses for such a long time with fear driving my excuses. I also can see that with the start of making choices i need to battle back the blame pattern I was in. I think that is why I was so frusterated on wednesday, I know I don't want that pattern anymore, it's going to be a struggle within myself to keep going forward although today it didn't take me as long to get in a better frame of mind. Thank you for bringing up healthy fears it helps me to put a better perseptive on my unhealthy fears :) Have a nice evening!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Fri, 11-05-2010 - 8:10pm
Thank you alwayst2!

I will keep you updated! I thought that it would be harder than ending with xap as well, today I realize I have needed to do alot harder things and I am going to keep focused that becoming healthier is the hardest work I have ever needed to do!

Have a nice evening!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Fri, 11-05-2010 - 8:18pm
Amber eight years is fanastic! I haven't heard that song by Bon Jovi, I am going to look it up and you are right no bad habits period for me as well! I will need to do more physical activities to help me in all areas, and going to the gym will definately help!

Have a nice evening!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Fri, 11-05-2010 - 8:20pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Fri, 11-05-2010 - 8:31pm
Thank you Dee! I didn't start smoking until I was 36 and I've been smoking for six years! I have used it as an excuse and a crutch for too long, the emotions I have been feeling the last three days actually have had nothing to do with not smoking. I can see a bit more clearly on how far I was hiding in my fears, it's scary at points but iam going to take those fears and turn them into positive emotions on step at a time:)

Have a nice evening!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2010
Fri, 11-05-2010 - 8:53pm
Jen...best if luck quitting smoking! I know you can do it! :). We will support you every step of the way!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2010
Fri, 11-05-2010 - 8:54pm
That was supposed to be best OF luck. Darn iPod!

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