Getting back that loving feeling?
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Getting back that loving feeling?
| Sun, 01-02-2005 - 6:59pm |
Now that I have made the decision to end the A, how do I get the romantic, sexual feelings back for my spouse??? I know what my head says, but how do I convince my body that it needs to respond?? I really have been trying, but it feels so forced. I never had to use lube of any kind with the XMM, but with the spouse, it's a whole different thing. He will not go to counseling and does not rspond to directives very well. Im sure my options here are limited , but I am in desperate need of advice, especially if I am to stay strong and out of the mess I was in. CK

Hi Princess62,
Ah, yours is kind of a tough question, but having been in your shoes at one time, I will try to suggest a few things that helped with me.
To be very honest, there were certain things that my XMM were somewhat more skilled in than my DH in the bedroom area. It was little things like having a more gentle touch and taking more time with me before actual intercourse. I explained to my DH what I needed him to try and at first he really questioned my suggestions because as he expressed it, "we've been doing it this way for 28 years and you never complained." Yes, he had a good point, but I just told him that at the age I am now, my body just needs different things than when I was 25 years old. This seemed to satisfy his questioning and he was willing to try it my way. I still have to remind him occasionally, but it has helped.
Another thing was that I had to start thinking of us as a couple in a romantic way and making a point to be more affectionate toward him and I told him Ineeded that from him too. We also made a point to have "date nights" and we talk about them during the day by phone at work so that we get each other looking forward to it.
I guess the basic thing is that I tried to identify the exciting things I had enjoyed with the XMM and I have managed to incorperate many of them in my marrage. My DH and I had just gotten very complacent with one another and it has taken quite a bit of conscious effort on both our parts to make it better. Hopefully, your DH will be willing to listen to your needs and go along with you. It takes tow people working on it, that's for sure.
I hope this helps you in some way. Good luck and stay strong.
Oh yes, I will add that I have been told that sometimes after ending an A it does take some time to adjust back to one's spouse because that excitement of the A isn't part of the equasion any more, but from what I understand and what I have experienced, it will get easier.
Again, good luck.
IP