Getting Better

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Getting Better
1
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 2:51pm
Getting Better Hurts but I think I am because...

1. 14 days NC, 6 weeks since I saw him (Again) (my longest was over 4 months)

2. I don't have him on my buddy list, don't look for emails or phone calls, don't look for his car on the street

3. Don't fantasize about "seeing him again"

4. Don't want to see him because its WRONG and I WANT TO BE A GOOD PERSON

5. Don't believe he will leave his W for me someday, not holding on to that hope

6. Don't have any desire for C because I know it will just cause more pain

7. Understand that this is my real life, the people who share my life are my real friends and the few hours I had with him a week just were not enough for me


I've Got a Ways To Go because....

1. Every morning it is really hard to face the day and has been for 1 year now

2. I am still very depressed and in pain and have been for 1 year now, but I get some breaks from the intense pain now for a few days here and there.

3. I am still not fully functional but I think I have come up from 30% to 60% -the end of my A took me down to the ground

4. I am not able/ready to date anyone

5. I still cry almost everyday

6. I still think of exMM all day every day

Thank you for this support. It helps me know I am not alone. It helps me know that there is no good left in continuing contact. I look forward to finding out about all of our progress in the months to come.

Survive

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
In reply to: survive4
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 7:56pm
Dear Survive,

Defining to ourself the benefits of "ending" is truly theraputic, and I commend you for your post.

#4 under "Getting Better Hurts but I think I am because... " holds very true for me.

My abandoned spiritual convictions were yearning to return home. I knew what I was doing was SO VERY WRONG and contradictory to being that good person I always thought I was. Self deception, IMO, is the deepest betrayal of all.

I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time in letting him go. I've come to understand that the time frame for healing has no set rule. We all have to deal with it in our own way but know that you ARE doing the right thing, and one of these days you will feel that weight lift from your heart.

I also, have no desire to date. This is not unusual. Time is NEEDED to nurse our wounds and allow the heart to build strength again. You will know when you are ready.

Thinking of you,

~True