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| Tue, 01-11-2005 - 6:49pm |
Well - No more home football games in my city.
Thank goodness? I guess.
xMM has no reason to enter my home unless my H and I have a dinner planned or a gathering - neither which I am willing to have right now.
Last phone call from xMM - 12/26 (the usual I miss you - hope you are well....)
New Years Eve - I ignored him and when he looked at me I would blankly stare at him.
Last Saturday - Last home game - I told him to forget everything.
We had time alone, about 15 minutes. We sat in the living room and I turned to him and told him that it was ok if he wanted to work on his marriage.......he said he was only trying to have peace - until he could find a way to get a divorce. I told him he was a cowardly lier.
he really looked shocked.
I then told him that things were going to be ok.........forget about everything....it (the A) was nothing.
He said that was not true and then my H and friend came into the room - xMM stood up and they all put their coats on to leave.........xMM just looked at me kinda sad across the room......but I smiled nicely and told them all to have a good time.
He looked hurt and confused.
I am glad.
I only cry once in awhile now.
I still think that things may change later down the line. But until the papers are filed on both of our ends...............I w;ill try my best to not give up any of my emotions and time pining over him -
Let him have his crazy wife -
Let him be unhappy (he told my H later that day that he was misserable)
With each passing day - I forget what I ever loved in him - and I find a reason to love myself again.
Karena

Anna,
I'm formerly(mysouliscrushed) YOU GO GIRL!!!! Good for you. I'm on seven months NC and doing just fine. I do miss him but I think I miss the attention he gave me, Husband is just not up to par in that dept but that is okay I will accept him as he is. As I said many times before Time heals all wounds and the pain gets better as each day passes. I wish you luck in your future and much HAPPINESS. What does not kill us, Makes us stronger!
Healed.
Thank you!!
I think that my Therapist is really helping me - although she does think that xMM loves me but is too afraid that he will lose everything he has to his W.
I keep telling her that I dont care what he feels for me..........It does my heart no good to just "know" that he cares - We talked of wanting more.......and how to achieve what we wanted........xMM is a too scared. Or a Cake Eater. Doesn't matter, the end result is that he is not happy and without me and I am going to be happy - but without him.
Hope all is well with you!!
Karena